Come Back Around
by Tracy-Lou
Summary: Ste disappears for six months, leaving Brendan to realise what he's missing. When he returns, neither of them are able to resist the pull between them. But how will things differ second time around? New long term fic, doesn't follow any of my other fics
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!

Summary: Ste disappears for six months, leaving Brendan to realise what he's missing. When he returns, neither of them are able to resist the pull between them. But how will things differ second time around?

A/N: Okay, new long term story :) Enjoy!

Come Back Around

Chapter One

Six months. That's how long it had been since Brendan had seen or heard from Stephen. Six months. At first Brendan had been cocky, had expected the lad to walk through his door at any given moment and prove to him once more why they were so intoxicated with each other. Why, despite it all, they _worked. _But then the days had turned into weeks, and then weeks into months and Brendan suddenly realised. Stephen wasn't coming back. He was really gone. It had hit him suddenly one afternoon when he was sitting with Cheryl in front of the television and she was recounting her mundane day and Brendan was insufferably bored. He suddenly thought: God, I need to get out of here. Go see-

And he had frozen. It was ridiculous really. Stephen had been gone for so long that Brendan had accepted the fact that he wouldn't be popping his head around the corner for work, or offering Brendan a coffee with that pouty lip of his protruded. But only now did he realise that he wouldn't be seeing him _for good. _How had it only sunk in now? And as he thought about it, as Cheryl continued to prattle on, Brendan considered their last encounter and chastised himself for not listening properly. For not doing anything to stop him leaving. He hadn't said in so many words that he was, to be fair, but there had been something in his eyes, in the crease between his brows. The utter defeated-ness of his stance. This was it. This was the end.

Brendan sighed, running a hand over his eyes. He took a swig of his whiskey, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He felt as though he had aged ten years already. It had been an eventful six months, that was for sure. Declan had come to stay with him for a few months. Brendan smiled when he thought of his son. He had loved it, more than he could possibly say. It had been difficult at first considering Declan didn't know certain things about Brendan. Like the fact that he slept with men. And sure it was awkward trying to relate to a teenager but Brendan had risen to the occasion, and so had Cheryl. Besides that having Declan around had kept Brendan very occupied and unable to dwell on certain things. Like the fact that Stephen was gone.

But he'd had to go home sometime. Once the summer holidays were finished Eileen had come back and whisked him off again. Brendan had missed Declan terribly after that. It felt odd, not having his clothes littering his room, or his games console taking up the space by the television. And breakfast was odd; Declan had a huge appetite like Brendan's and Cheryl would always laugh at how they would both sit there and wolf down their breakfast like there was no tomorrow. And then Declan would laugh and tease Brendan for getting food stuck in his tashe, as he often did, and Brendan would laugh along with him, relishing the thought that his son felt comfortable enough with him to laugh at his expense.

And so Brendan had felt a further loss. His son was gone, Stephen was gone. Poraic hadn't come back for the summer which had disappointed him and he had felt regretful that he had spent so much time getting to know one son and not the other. But he contented himself that they were both coming back for the Christmas holidays. But Stephen wasn't; he wasn't there to see Brendan be the dutiful father, to prove to him that he wasn't such a heartless monster, wasn't at all. He didn't know why it was so important for Stephen to realise this. Thoughts like these were often pushed to the back of Brendan's mind where he couldn't analyse them too closely. It wasn't _appropriate _to dwell on such thoughts. Not about another man. Not ever.  
>Stephen had left with Amy and the kids. They'd had their reasons, apparently. Cheryl had been told the longer version of events. Neither of them had been happy apparently. Needed a fresh start. Cheryl had looked at Brendan sympathetically and Brendan had looked away, pretending not to care. Cheryl saw through him but didn't push it, just gave him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder and ordered a takeaway, as though everything was normal and a takeaway could fix all of Brendan's problems.<p>

Brendan sighed, leaning back in his chair. He had come to work today almost in a daze. He was beginning to feel that familiar feeling of entrapment. Perhaps he was supposed to have gone after Stephen? It was certainly far too late now, if that had been the case. But Stephen was always offering these ultimatums, saying it was the last chance, the last time he would put his trust into Brendan. And yet every time he had still returned. A moral part of Brendan, far in the back of his mind, acknowledged that perhaps this was the wake up call he needed. If Stephen always came back to him, how would Brendan ever learn?

He did sometimes wonder if Stephen were testing him. Waiting for him to crack. He hadn't received any form of contact from him, even though he had called him countless times and even left messages. He made it a point to call at least once every day, without fail. But he never answered. Once Brendan tried on Cheryl's phone and Stephen did pick up but the moment he heard Brendan's voice he cut off the call. Brendan had thrown the phone at the wall after that in frustration and had had to buy Cheryl a new one. She wasn't pleased.

Sometimes he thought it was odd that Stephen never bought a new phone, or blocked Brendan's number. It was almost cruel the way he would allow Brendan to ring him on and on and never be gratified with a response. But then Brendan supposed that Stephen had been driven to breaking point and probably felt as though Brendan deserved to be taught a lesson.

Brendan stood up from his desk and walked towards the door. He needed to get out, the office was stifling him. He felt as though the walls were closing in, trapping him in his own pit of misery. As he walked down the stairs, Brendan realised that no one besides Cheryl even knew he was hurting. He was so used to hiding his feelings under such a hard exterior that he even fooled himself sometimes into thinking that he didn't care.

But he did care. And Stephen knew that. He'd said those three little words that he knew Stephen had been desperate to hear, and he meant them with every fibre of his soul. But Brendan wasn't ready to change. It was an impossible concept to him. To imagine life in a relationship like Stephen was asking for, the very idea of which he despised was completely alien to him.

Brendan looked across the village, breathing in the fresh air (or as fresh as it got around here) and frowned. He must be going delusional because that man even looked like Stephen. Standing by the bus stop, alone, bags in hand. Brendan squinted, stalking forwards. Could it be…?

"Stephen!" He shouted, his heart racing. It was. It was him.

Stephen looked at him in alarm. He was walking away. Oh no, he wasn't fucking off again, no chance.

"Don't ye run away from me!" Brendan said, catching up to him. He grabbed his arm and spun him around. "What are ye playing-" the words died in his throat.

Looking into that face again, seeing those clear blue eyes staring back at him, not in disgust or fear but in perfect clarity. It seemed Stephen hadn't forgotten him, either.

"Can we talk later?" Stephen asked quietly. He glanced at Brendan's hand on his arm and Brendan shook his head.

"Ye will run off again"

Stephen smiled at him. "Not one for paranoia, Bren"

"Aren't I?" Brendan asked, although he did release Stephen's arm.

"I have a lot to explain…" Stephen said awkwardly, putting his bags on the floor.

"Where are Amy and the kids?" Brendan asked, stating the obvious.

"Still back where we moved" Stephen said carefully. "It's a long story"

Brendan shrugged, picking up Stephen's bags and flinging them over his shoulder. "I've got time"


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Brendan bought Stephen a milkshake from Relish. They sat outside, the sun pouring uncomfortably onto Brendan's back in his dark suit. _Bad clothing choice today, Brady_. Nothing was said at first. Stephen sipped quietly at his drink, every now and again squinting up at the bright sky. Brendan wanted to tell him off and make him buy some sunglasses in case he damaged himself, but he refrained.

Feeling twitchy and uncomfortable, Brendan spoke. "So ye are back". Stating the obvious.

Stephen looked at him, his brow furrowed. "I am…" he said carefully.

"For how long?"

"Three months at least" he sighed.

"What happened?" Brendan asked, cocking his head to the side and swiping Stephen's milkshake for a sip when he placed it back on the table. He didn't wipe the straw, naturally.

Stephen looked down at the table, fingering a mark he found there. "I had a job, I lost it" he said it very matter of fact. "I looked for other work but the economy, you know?" Brendan appeared blank so Stephen continued. "I was telling Cheryl about it over the phone…" Brendan stiffened noticeably and Stephen stopped short. "Right. That"

"Yes, that" Brendan said harshly. He breathed through his nose to control himself. "Didn't fancy returning my calls then, hm?"

"Can we not get into this right now?" Stephen asked tiredly.

Brendan gestured that he continue, crossing his arms and leaning back on his chair. Defensive posture.

"Cheryl said I could come back to Chez Chez, earn money for the kids, send the money home. You know, like you used to…" Stephen trailed off awkwardly. "So here I am"

"No other reason?" Brendan asked cagily.

Stephen simply looked at him.

"Where are ye staying?" Brendan asked, sighing.

"Oh, just a bed and breakfast" Stephen said absently. "I'd better get going actually" he stood up, taking a final sip of the milkshake. "Thanks for this" he said, placing it back on the table.

Brendan stared at him, his face unreadable. Stephen looked uncomfortable.

"I'll see you then"

Brendan inclined his head briefly, unable to utter a single word. Stephen glanced away and turned around. What did he really expect from Brendan?

Watching him leave, Brendan stood up, taking his phone out of his trouser pocket and placing it to his ear.

"Chez" he said. "I'm taking an early lunch. Cover for me, yeah?"

Hanging up, Brendan hadn't taken his eyes off of Stephen. He was almost out of eyesight. Brendan straightened his suit and began walking in the same direction, following as closely behind as he could without detection.

XXX

He followed Stephen all the way to the nearest bed and breakfast, just on the outskirts of the village. Truth be told, it was an absolute dump. Brendan watched Stephen take out a key and open the door. He had thought ahead. Watching him enter the derelict building, Brendan pondered what to do next. He knew Stephen wouldn't willingly ask to stay at Brendan's, and if Brendan offered it would give the wrong impression…

And yet he couldn't bear the thought of him staying here, in this grotty bed and breakfast, all alone. Brendan kicked his shoe against the gravel on the ground. Perhaps Cheryl could convince him to stay with them? Brendan brought out his mobile, pressing speed dial number one. He flinched a little at the fact Stephen was number two. He normally called Eileen and the kids from the landline. Did he really call Stephen that often? Of course he did.

"Chez" Brendan said suddenly when she picked up.

"I thought you were having lunch, Bren?" Cheryl asked. It sounded as though she were eating herself.

"I am, I am. I've just got a question…"

He heard Cheryl sigh. "Is it Ste? Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you he was coming back, he made me promise I wouldn't"

Brendan ignored the way his chest tightened at her words. "It's fine, forget it" Brendan said gruffly. "But he's staying at a bed and breakfast right?"

"Yes…" Cheryl answered slowly.

"Well, isn't that a bit stupid?" Brendan phrased.

"I guess so…"

"Didn't ye offer for him to stay with us?"

There was silence.

"Chez?"

"Are you sure that's wise, Brendan?"

"Why not? He'd never be late for work" Brendan laughed. It sounded hollow.

"You know why" Cheryl said with a sigh. "But I do agree… I hate the thought of him on his own, especially without Amy and the kids"

"Exactly" Brendan said excitedly. "So ye will ask him then?"

"Me? Why me?"

"I can't very well ask him can I?"

"I suppose not… well, okay. I'll call him later"

Brendan grunted a little.

"Okay! I'll call him now"

"Thanks, Sis"

Brendan put his phone away and watched Stephen re-emerge from the building, free of his luggage. He frowned and looked down, taking out his phone when it started to ring. Brendan smiled at Cheryl's speediness.

"Oh hi, Cheryl" he heard Stephen say. "Yeah I've just been there now…" he froze, his eyes scrunched up in thought. "What? Oh… oh, I don't think so…"

Brendan felt his shoulders droop. He was thankful he was well concealed.

"Thanks anyway but I'll be fine, honest" Stephen was saying. "See you soon; I'm coming by the club now. Okay, bye"

Brendan watched Stephen closely as he put his hands into his pockets and walked back in the direction of the village. Brendan was about to follow him when he paused, reconsidering. He had another idea.

XXX

Back at the club later in the afternoon, Brendan sat behind his desk, his feet up on the table. He was whistling contentedly. Cheryl was sitting by the bar, reading the paper. Brendan could see her directly from his office. He heard footsteps up the stairs, agitated footsteps. Brendan smiled.

"Oh hiya, love" Cheryl greeted whoever it was. Her face changed. "What's the matter?"

"Bloody bed and breakfast" Stephen grumbled, sitting on a seat beside her. Brendan could see the two of them easily.

"What happened?"

"Well, I told you they only had one room spare, didn't I?"

"Yes… but you got the last room?"

Stephen rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Well apparently not. Some knob came in and offered double the cost for the room, said it was imperative that he had the room for the next two weeks"

"Oh that's terrible" Cheryl said, placing her hand on Stephen's arm. When Stephen looked away, Cheryl frowned and her eyes met Brendan's. Brendan had the good sense to look nonplussed. Cheryl didn't look convinced. She turned back to Stephen. "Look, love. Why don't you stay with us for two weeks? Until the room's available again?"

"Oh I don't know…" Stephen wrung his hands together. Was being around Brendan really that terrible? Brendan couldn't ignore the way that bothered him.

"What other choice have you got?" Cheryl asked kindly. "You said so yourself, that was the closest bed and breakfast and the cheapest. You haven't got much choice"

Stephen sighed, resigned. "Well if it isn't too much trouble…"

"Of course not!" Cheryl beamed. "I'll get Brendan to help-" she didn't get to finish her sentence because Brendan had already emerged from the office. He nodded at Stephen, his face straight and devoid of emotion. He silently picked up his bags and walked down the stairs. He could feel Stephen's eyes burning into his back.

Job done.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Ste stood outside Brendan's and Cheryl's place and heaved a great sigh. He couldn't quite believe that he had found himself here when he had swore to himself that he would stay away. Admittedly he had known it would be difficult to avoid Brendan, working at the club with him and all, but he hadn't expected to be in such close proximity with him.

The door opened before he was even able to knock and there stood Brendan; dressed in discreet black and looking as gorgeous and dangerous as he always did. Even now after everything that had happened between them, Ste felt a yearning for him he would never be able to understand.

"Are ye coming in, Stephen?" He asked smoothly.

How did Ste always find himself here? He was sorely tempted to say no, and walk away for good. But then he thought of Amy and the kids and his resolve returned. Besides that he was kidding himself if he didn't acknowledge that seeing Brendan again had…re-awakened him somewhat. He hadn't exactly been full of life for the past six months.

It hadn't been easy, cutting all ties. Brendan calling every day didn't help matters. Sometimes Ste would stay awake at night and watch his phone, waiting for it to ring. It always did. And even though he never answered, knowing that Brendan was calling him and still cared made Ste feel as though they were still connected somehow.

"Stephen?" Brendan asked again a little uncertainly. Ste shook his head to clear his thoughts and smiled a little.

"Sure" Ste said, ghosting past Brendan.

Closing the door after them, Brendan turned around to survey Ste as he often did.

"Um, where's my stuff then?" Ste asked awkwardly.

"Upstairs" Brendan said, nodding to the stairs. "Gave you the room above mine"

Ste nodded slowly. "Is that right?"

"It is"

There was silence for a moment. Ste looked away to the side, focusing on the table leg of the kitchen table. He didn't know why. All of a sudden he felt a warm body pressed hard against his own and strong arms encircle his waist. Brendan held on tightly, practically sniffing at Ste's neck. Ste was frozen, wondering what had brought on such a blatant display of affection. He was almost afraid to ask. Instead he gingerly wrapped his arms around Brendan's back.

"Brendan…what?" He asked, struggling to talk properly. Brendan's suit had somehow found its way into his mouth. He spat it out discreetly. Brendan held on, barely acknowledging a disturbance.

"Ye left" he said gruffly, burrowing his face into Ste's shoulder.

"I'm sorry" Ste said quietly. "I had reasons"

"I know…" Brendan said, pulling away to look at Ste. He looked embarrassed. "I don't know what came over me…" he murmured, explaining the sudden embrace between them.

"I do" Ste said confidently.

"Yeah?"

"You still love me" Ste said simply.

Brendan stepped back. "I…" he pursed his lips together.

"I've done a lot of thinking since I've been away" Ste began with caution. "And I've come to the conclusion that, no matter how far apart we are, there's still a link between us"

Brendan looked straight at him, saying nothing.

"Why did you call me every day?" Ste asked, his chin upturned defiantly.

Brendan shook his head as though in disbelief that he actually did that.

"Ye didn't say goodbye…" he said uncertainly. "I wanted to know ye were safe…"

"And when I spoke to Cheryl and you knew I was, why carry on?" Ste pressed.

Brendan sighed. He looked resigned. "I missed ye, missed ye terribly"

Ste hesitated. He hadn't expected such a truthful admission. Ever since Brendan had told him that he loved him, there had been a change in his behaviour. He was more open to admitting things to Ste, even if he couldn't quite admit them to himself.

Brendan took a step forward, reaching out to cup Ste's cheek. Ste closed his eyes. He knew what was coming. When nothing came, he opened his eyes again. Brendan was directly in front of him, his eyes closed, his breathing laboured. With shaking hands, Ste reached out and placed his hand over his chest. Brendan's eyes fluttered open and he looked at Ste, his gaze penetrating and unwavering.

Ste gulped. He could taste the air between them. He wanted nothing more than to close the last few inches of distance between them and claim Brendan's lips. But an unstoppable force was holding him back. Reason, perhaps. He looked down at Brendan's Adam's apple, hoping to distract himself and his body's irresistible pull towards him.

"Stephen" Brendan croaked out. Ste stared resolutely down. Looking at Brendan's throat wasn't helping however. It only made Ste remember the countless times he would kiss Brendan's neck, graze his teeth along his throat to mimic what Brendan often did to him. He visualised how Brendan would grunt and grab the back of his head, holding him in place at his neck. And sometimes how beads of sweat would drip slowly down his throat, pooling around his collarbone, glistening on his chest.

"Stephen" Brendan repeated, more firm this time. "Look at me"

Ste found his eyes sliding upwards involuntarily. His gaze locked with Brendan's.

"I can't… we can't…" he stammered out, not quite believing himself.

"Just one night… one more night" Brendan whispered, drawing him closer.

"I…I…" Ste gave up arguing, feeling Brendan's mouth close over his own, his tongue finding its way between his lips. He could hear groaning and he didn't know if it was him, or Brendan, or even both of them.

He moulded his body against Brendan's. It felt right. Ste felt whole again. Brendan hoisted him up, making Ste wrap his legs around his waist for support. Brendan carried him towards his bedroom, never breaking their kiss.

Laying him down on the bed, Brendan stripped him of his clothes and kissed a line down his body, swirling his tongue around Ste's belly button, his teeth gently grazing the skin at his thigh. Ste wrapped his fingers in Brendan's hair as he felt Brendan take him into his mouth. He gasped, only now remembering how good this felt. He hadn't slept with anyone else since he'd been gone, no one since Brendan. And judging by the way Brendan was hastily preparing Ste's entry, neither had Brendan.

Brendan moved his body along Ste's, kissing him again as he lined himself up in preparation. He pushed inside, grunting as he did so. Ste winced a little, it had been a while. Brendan stopped until he was more comfortable and then continued, beads of sweat already beginning to form on his forehead. He pushed Ste's legs back to gain a better position and slowly began to thrust. Ste grabbed his buttocks, urging him in deeper.

Brendan grabbed Ste's hands which had found their way to his waist and pulled them above his head, entwining their fingers together. Ste smiled at him a little smugly, making Brendan cock his head to the side in confusion. Ste shook his head, pressing his lips together to invite another kiss from Brendan. Brendan bent his head to supply his want.

It wasn't long before both men were panting with the need to climax. Brendan took Ste into his hand, pumping him to the same rhythm as his thrusts. One hand still held one of Ste's above his head, his grip tightening as Ste arched his back to meet one of Brendan's thrusts. They climaxed together, Brendan hastily pushing their foreheads together as they did so, his eyes squeezed shut, letting out an almighty shudder and a groan. It really had been too long. They both lay next to each other afterwards, panting from exertion and slick with sweat all over.

Ste turned his head to look at Brendan, nudging him gently with his fingertips. It was the only working part of him now.

"One more night, huh?" He said, his smile lop-sided and exhausted.

Brendan smirked at him, brushing the hair away from his forehead. "We'll see"


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Stephen sat up on the bed, pulling his shirt back over his head. Brendan, remaining on the pillows, looked at him in befuddlement.

"Going somewhere?" He asked, leaning up on his elbows.

Stephen turned to smile at him. "Sure, why not?"

Brendan frowned. He glanced down at himself, still fully naked and clearly still in the afterglow. He didn't want to sound sappy but Stephen normally wanted to, well, cuddle. Brendan winced at the word, despising it yet desiring it simultaneously.

"Well, alright" he said, perplexed and somewhat annoyed. He pulled his trousers from the bottom of the bed. "I'll see ye later then?"

"Yep" Stephen said brightly, now fully dressed. He practically bounced off the bed. He was almost out the door when he paused, as though forgetting something. Brendan smirked. But then Stephen returned to the bed, gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek and departed. Brendan couldn't help but feel rejected.

XXX

Brendan walked into the night, his leather jacket wrapped tightly around himself. He wasn't due at the club tonight and as a result, he couldn't think of anything to do with his spare time. He was sorely tempted to go in anyway, taunt Foxy for a while, but then that would look as though he had nothing better to do. And he didn't want to lose face in front of Warren. No chance.

Brendan stared out into the night, hidden in the shadows. He noticed people walking towards the club for a night out. Couples walking along, hand in hand. They had it so easy, they had no idea. Brendan spotted his favourite American, Douglas, walking by with Jamil.

"Douglas" Brendan greeted him, stepping out. "Nice evening, isn't it?"

Douglas looked a little startled but composed himself. His friend, Jamil, stared at Brendan as if he'd grown two heads.

"Yeah, I guess so" Douglas said uncertainly. "What are you doing? Going to the club?"

Brendan glanced over at Chez Chez. "Night off" he shrugged.

Douglas gave him a small smile. "What will you do then? Find someone special to spend your evening with?"

Brendan clenched his fists. "Meaning?" he asked with malicious intent.

Douglas looked apologetic. "Nothing. Just you seemed a little lonely, that's all" Douglas' expression was soft. "I know that feeling" he said quietly, giving Brendan a final smile before steering Jamil away.

Brendan stared after him. Lonely? What was he on about? Brendan didn't do lonely; he relished in his own company. He was his own best company. _And his worst _a voice in his mind whispered. Brendan ignored it.

"Onwards and upwards" Brendan murmured to himself, walking towards the club.

He walked straight to the bar, ordering that Rhys serve him a whiskey. Rhys gave him a funny look but complied. Brendan downed it in one shot.

It wasn't long until Warren made an appearance. Him and Mitzeee emerged from the office, looking a little ruffled. Brendan rolled his eyes, ordering another drink. Warren stalked towards him, a smirk on his lips. Brendan hated the self-satisfied way he always did that. It made him want to punch him. Repeatedly.

"Bored are we, Brady?" Warren asked, taking the seat beside him and ignoring Mitzeee who sauntered off looking disgruntled at his indifference.

Brendan shrugged. "Fancied a drink"

"You have drinks at home, don't ya?"

"Perhaps I wanted some company" Brendan replied with heavy irony.

Warren snorted. "Sure. What is it? Ste ignore you?" He sneered.

Brendan turned to face him. "And why would I care about Stephen?"

Warren rolled his eyes. "I have no idea. Scrawny as he is, pathetic" Brendan felt his hands curl into fists once more. "I honestly don't know what it is you see"

"Jealous are we?" Brendan asked dryly.

Warren laughed, sliding off his seat and patting Brendan on the back. "You wish" he whispered before wandering off after Mitzeee. Brendan barely acknowledged his departure. He ordered yet another whiskey.

XXX

Ste returned home. Well, Brendan's home. He'd only been out for a walk to clear his head. He had felt a growing sense of doubt at the way he had left things with Brendan earlier. Perhaps he had been too cold towards him. It wasn't because it didn't mean anything to him, far from it, but because it did.

Brendan was a strange creature. He liked a challenge. If Ste gave in, Brendan was smug. He knew he had him. If he didn't, Brendan didn't leave him alone. Ste was tired of it, and wanted the whole situation to change.

He turned on a light in the living room and jumped at the sight of someone lying across the sofa. But it was only Brendan, curled up still fully dressed, a whiskey bottle half empty on the coffee table. Ste sighed, admiring the firm muscle on show from the way Brendan's shirt rose. How had he ended up here?

Ste bent down beside him. As he softly breathed out, Ste smelt the alcohol on his breath. Ste rolled his eyes in exasperation, looking back down when he heard Brendan make a small snuffling sound, a single word escaping his lips in his befuddled sleeping state.

"Stephen"

Feeling himself soften, Ste climbed onto the sofa in front of Brendan's body. There wasn't really enough room for two but Ste was nothing if not persistent. He brought Brendan's arm from between their bodies and placed it across his own waist. Brendan shifted a little in his sleep but did not waken. His nose became buried in Ste's hair and Ste found himself closing his eyes contently, sleep pulling at him with all its might.

Feeling warm and protected, Ste did fall asleep. He suddenly found that he didn't care if Brendan awoke and found him there. Which he did, sometime in the middle of the night. Ste didn't know what he did, wasn't conscious to witness it. But by morning, Brendan hadn't moved from their position and both of his arms were curled around Ste protectively, tight against his firm body. Ste found that he wasn't even surprised.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

A few days passed by uneventfully. Stephen became settled in his room; Brendan somewhat regretted his decision to place him directly above his own room as often he would imagine Stephen lying in his own bed above him, and it would make him feel oddly enthralled and wishing he could be up there with him.

He didn't make this known to Stephen, however. In fact he was a little distant with him. He had wanted to keep Stephen close, without a doubt, but now that it was a reality Brendan found himself feeling a familiar sensation of fear and doubt. It didn't help matters much that it was steadily nearing the Christmas holidays, when Brendan's sons would arrive to stay.

Declan had already met Stephen but Poraic hadn't. Brendan didn't know if he was ready for it or not.

Over breakfast one morning, Stephen brought up his temporary lodging.

"I'll be out of your hair the week after next" he announced, poking at the cereal in his bowl. Cheryl looked at him in concern and disappointment. Brendan attempted to mask his feelings but he couldn't ignore the way his chest tightened at the thought of Stephen leaving.

"There's no rush, love. Stay as long as you need" Cheryl told him kindly.

"It's fine" Stephen began, not meeting Brendan's eyes. "I know the boys are coming soon, it'll be crowded and…well…" Stephen drifted off uncomfortably.

Cheryl glared at Brendan as though urging him to say something.

"Whatever ye want" Brendan said simply, picking up a piece of toast and rising from his seat. "See ye at the club" he said, popping the toast halfway into his mouth and walking towards the door, a swift exit. He heard Cheryl huff disapprovingly from behind him.

What was he supposed to do? Beg Stephen to stay? What kind of message would that give out? Stephen deserved better than to wait around for Brendan to be ready; an eventuality which was looking more unlikely by the day.

The air was becoming chillier. Winter was creeping in like a dark shadow; making the nights more drawn and suffocating, and the mornings more bleak.

Brendan walked purposefully towards the club, spotting Warren outside shifting barrels around, his expression irritable. Brendan smiled easily at him, giving one of the barrels a gentle kick.

"Chop chop" he said breezily.

Warren straightened, glaring at him. "You could help, you know"

"Where's the fun in that?"

Brendan made towards the stairs.

"I'll ask Ste to help when he comes in then"

Brendan froze, his smirk still firmly in place. He wasn't going to let Warren get a rise out of him today; especially considering he had seen him in such a state only a few days earlier.

"He'll be with me" Brendan said carefully, turning around slowly to look Warren up and down. "Office work"

"Is that what they're calling it these days?" Warren sneered.

Brendan shrugged. "Don't suppose ye would know. Mitzeee moved out, didn't she?"

Warren's lips pressed firmly together. Brendan could almost see the veins in his forehead protruding. He laughed, continuing his ascent up the stairs with a whistle.

He shut himself in the office for a while, rifling through the necessary paperwork. Eventually he heard voices outside the door. Brendan rose from his seat and opened the door in one swift motion. Stephen was on the other side, startling at the suddenness of Brendan's appearance.

"Something wrong, Stephen?" Brendan asked, tilting his head to the side, a small smile on his lips.

"Oh, um" Stephen began uncertainly. "Warren said you wanted me?"

"For once in his life, Foxy is right" Brendan said mildly. He stepped to the side. "Do come in"

Stephen nodded a little nervously, stepping inside the office. Brendan glanced after him and then shut the door with a click.

"So, what we doing then?" Stephen asked, looking around the desk.

Brendan studied him, his eyes never leaving his face. "Ye tell me"

Stephen's brow furrowed. "But you asked me in here"

"Did I?"

"Don't play games, Brendan" Stephen said, walking towards the door. Brendan stood in front of it.

Brendan's hands hovered over Stephen's chest. Stephen looked down at them, licking his lips unconsciously.

"I'm not playing any games" Brendan said, his voice smooth like velvet. "But while ye are here…"

It was funny, really how Brendan had only requested Stephen be with him to get him away from Warren and now that he was here, so close, smelling like he does… Brendan couldn't help himself. He raised his hand to brush against Stephen's hair, his hand sweeping slowly to cup his cheek.

He moved forwards with slow deliberation, his eyes open and making sure Stephen's were the same. Brendan looked at his lips and darted out his tongue to taste them. He felt Stephen's palm press against his chest and he smiled, Stephen's fingers curling around his shirt. It was somewhat excruciating, moving those lasts few inches to claim Stephen's lips.

The kiss was careful, lingering. Brendan wrapped his hand around the back of Stephen's head, drawing him in closer. After all these months he had almost forgotten how good it felt to have Stephen responding to him in this manner. His toned body pressed eagerly against Brendan's, the way he was so much smaller and therefore easily enveloped in Brendan's arms. The way his hair would tickle Brendan's chin as he held him. Brendan realised his thoughts had become a reality and he was holding Stephen rather than kissing him. He pulled away a little, looking into his face.

Stephen opened his mouth as though about to say something until there was a knock at the door.

Reluctantly drawing apart, Brendan opened it in some annoyance. What a surprise, Warren.

"Keeping busy are we?" He asked teasingly, taking in Ste's puckered lips and Brendan's ruffled shirt.

"Nothing that concerns ye" Brendan answered shortly.

"Can I borrow him then?" Warren asked, eyeing Stephen. "Crates need shifting"

"Ye do it" Brendan said, his tone insolent.

"Its fine, I'll go" Stephen said, brushing past both Brendan and Warren. Brendan watched him go, confused and distinctly annoyed.

"Sorry I interrupted playtime" Warren said, smirking. Brendan gave him a dark look.

"Disgusting" he said, his lip curling. He closed the door on Warren's face.

XXX

When Brendan later emerged from the office, he couldn't see Stephen. Frowning, he stepped outside onto the balcony. Who would leave the door open in this weather? Stephen was there, hunched over in his coat, his phone pressed to his ear.

"And you're sure everything's alright? It feels all wrong, you three being there and me here" Stephen said in hushed tones. Brendan leaned against the doorframe, his expression soft. "I've been staying at…" Stephen paused. Brendan stepped a little closer, wondering. "Cheryl's" Stephen said determinately. Brendan was surprised by his truthfulness, easier to lie. The boy taught him more and more every day. "Yes I know but its fine… just, look" Stephen pressed his lips together in annoyance. "I'm fine! Just, drop it, yeah?" He turned a little to the side, noticing Brendan. "I'll speak to you later…" he said, hanging up the phone, still looking at Brendan.

"Don't mind me" Brendan said, coughing.

"It was just Amy" Stephen explained unnecessarily.

"She alright? Alone with the kids and that?"

"Yeah… yeah, she's coping" Stephen said absentmindedly. "It's not easy"

"Do ye need more money to send back? I can arrange that" Brendan offered, reaching into his jacket pocket.

"No it's fine, thank you. They're my kids; I'm going to work hard to put food in their mouths"

Brendan nodded. "Fair enough"

"I'll give you some money for, like, staying-"

"No" Brendan said shortly, his eyes flashing. "Absolutely not"

"But, Brendan-"

"I said no" Brendan said sternly. "I won't hear it again"

Stephen nodded reluctantly. Brendan hated the thought that Stephen would need to pay to stay with them, pay to be with Brendan. It made the whole thing seem cheap and dirty. Funny, that kind of thing had never bothered him before.

"Ye will be home for dinner?" He asked gruffly, looking everywhere but at Stephen.

"Sure, yeah. No other plans" Stephen said awkwardly.

"Good. Good" Brendan said, nodding to himself. "Don't be late" he swept back through the door, not too soon to hear Stephen's resigned sigh behind him.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Time passed too quickly for Brendan's liking. Before he knew it, Stephen was in his room packing his few things away. Brendan leaned on the doorframe, head tilted to the side. He didn't know what to say. Stephen hadn't noticed his presence. He picked up a few shirts that he had gotten from the wash basket, accidentally taking one of Brendan's shirts with him. It was the red one from their first proper kiss. Stephen looked at it slightly puzzled at first, brought it towards his chest, sighed, and threw it to the other corner of his bed.

Brendan stepped into the room, picking up the shirt and giving it a sniff. He tossed it over his shoulder lazily and then turned his gaze to Stephen.

"Leaving already?" He asked, his voice low. Stephen looked at him and blinked several times.

"I wish you wouldn't sneak up on me like that" he said plainly, his dark blonde head bent over his bag once more.

"Sorry about that" Brendan said, stepping closer to rest his hand on Stephen's back. "I wish ye wouldn't, by the way"

"Wouldn't what?" Stephen asked casually, but he knew full well what Brendan was talking about.

"Leave" Brendan said quietly, absentmindedly picking items out of Stephen's bag and throwing them back onto the bed. Stephen silently replaced them each time.

Stephen eventually shrugged. "Got no choice, have I?"

"Oh?" Brendan asked, his lips quirking into a smile.

"Your kids are coming"

"And?"

"And I know you. You won't want me around" Stephen's shoulders stiffened determinedly. Brendan sighed. Stephen had every right to believe that but after missing him for so long, Brendan wasn't sure he could let him leave under any circumstances.

"Look, just-" Brendan cut himself off, his hand snaking around the back of his head, pulling at his dark hair.

"Just what?" Stephen asked, his jaw set.

Brendan looked down at the shorter man, the words caught in his throat. He coughed uncomfortably.

"Stay" It was barely a whisper.

Stephen stared at him for some time. His shoulders slumped. "I can't"

"Why not?" Brendan found himself saying a little harshly.

Stephen looked at him carefully. "I don't think I can…control myself, around you"

Brendan smiled a little. "Is that so bad?"

"Yes!" Stephen replied, exasperated. "I left all those months ago to escape all this"

Brendan's brow furrowed. "Ye left to escape me?"

"To escape us!" Stephen said, throwing himself onto the bed. Brendan automatically sat beside him. Their bodies were touching very intimately.

Stephen put his head in his hands. "You're always here, so close, all the time" he muttered. "Even when I left, you called all the time and I thought about you _all the bloody time_. It drove me mad" He laughed a little hysterically. "This isn't _right_" he gestured wildly with his hands. "We should hate each other. It should be simple"

"Nothing in this life is ever simple" Brendan said softly. He placed his hand on Stephen's thigh, squeezing gently.

"Well I wish it were" Stephen said, his voice deflating a bit. He didn't remove Brendan's hand from his thigh.

"I can make it easier to forget, if ye like" Brendan whispered huskily into Stephen's ear.

Stephen turned to face him, their faces very close. "This isn't…I shouldn't, we shouldn't-"

"Shh" Brendan said, placing a finger over his lips. "Stop thinking, just do" he leaned forwards to kiss Stephen, his body pressing against him in an almost possessive manner. Stephen whimpered a little into the kiss and allowed Brendan to re-position himself so he was lying on top of him.

There was something quite languorous in the way they moved together. Now that Brendan had him securely beneath him, his back arching at Brendan's caresses, his head thrown back, his throat exposed, Brendan knew that in this moment he had him, and he wanted to enjoy every second of it.

Afterwards, Brendan lay curled around him, their skin sticking together uncomfortably with sweat. Brendan found himself laughing, a rare genuine sound, as he attempted to separate them.

"Ow" Stephen said, his grin easy and content. Brendan loved it when he looked at him that way, as though it was just the two of them in the universe and nothing else mattered. It was when other people got involved that things turned sour. Brendan didn't want to think about that right now.

"We should shower" Brendan commented, sitting up slowly. His legs felt stiff from their earlier position. One day he would allow Stephen to do all of the work.

"Agreed" Stephen said, rising from the bed. He wobbled a little. Brendan caught him easily around the waist. "Thanks" Stephen murmured, blushing a little.

"Anytime" Brendan said smoothly, releasing him and leading the way to the bathroom.

XXX

After they had showered, Brendan wrapped a towel around his waist and led the way back to the bedroom. Stephen followed, towelling his hair dry as he went. Stephen perched on the edge of the bed, the towel wrapped securely across his shoulders. Brendan looked him over, admiring the way Stephen's body had formed over the last few months. He looked distinctly more masculine, fuller in the chest and more defined in the arms.

Brendan idly wondered why he always went for types like Stephen. Essentially Stephen wasn't feminine looking, and yet Brendan appreciated the smoothness of his face, the hairlessness of his chest endearing and somehow, sweet. So why bother with men at all? But when Stephen removed the towel from around his waist, and Brendan took in the light trail of hair from his belly button to his…well, Brendan didn't need to wonder anymore.

There was something fascinating about making love to a man, as a man himself. When he had made love to Eileen in the past it had been almost clinical, a duty to perform as a husband. With Stephen, even Vinnie and Macca, it was a need, an overpowering desire. He loved the way they would yield to him, and yet also the way they would urge him in deeper, often giving as good as they got. Their desire for him intoxicated him.

The only difference between his encounters with the likes of Vinnie and Macca to Stephen however was the fact that neither Vinnie nor Macca ever challenged him in the same way Stephen did. Sure, they had made demands for a relationship. Brendan had put them straight, so to speak, on that score. Vinnie especially had been quite persistent; after all, he was young and naïve and Brendan had been his first real lover. Whenever Brendan thought about Vinnie now he felt a pang of regret. He had treated the boy poorly. And once he had discovered his true fate at the hands of Danny, he had spent the rest of the night vomiting into the toilet. And for the rest of his days he would remember the boys face; pale and illuminated, looking at Brendan with pure adoration. An adoration Brendan could never feel or return. Vinnie had been a conquest, an obsession. So had Stephen, once upon a time.

Macca had taught Brendan a thing or two. He hadn't been weak like Vinnie; he knew exactly what he wanted and that was Brendan. And yet there was still something quite innocent about him, pure. He was a sweet lad; he knew how to give Brendan what he wanted. But even then, Brendan had only felt a mild affection for him. When he had left him behind in Ireland, he had felt regretful, but not heartbroken.

When Stephen had come into his life, Brendan had felt that something was different about this one. He had seduced him in his ordinary way; hit him to keep him in check and because sometimes it was an unfortunate necessity. He needed to know how far he could push him; he needed to feel desired, wanted. It was all he ever wanted. Something he had never been given as a boy, something that was indifferent to him as a married man. He just wanted to feel as though he could need someone as much as they needed him. And most of all he needed them to stay with him, always.

It certainly wasn't healthy. And as the violence became more than it had ever been before; an almost desperation, a fear of the stifling closet Brendan had thrown himself into, he knew Stephen was safer without him. But he still couldn't resist the boy, and that disturbed him. And when he had left him, at the time for good, Brendan had been almost glad. He felt as though now he could be free once more. But there had been a rising need within him to hear Stephen's voice, to know that he was happy. The phone calls hadn't stifled that need. Even if Stephen had answered, they wouldn't have. It was only when he had him now, in the flesh, that Brendan realised how deeply this boy had gotten under his skin and how improbable it was that Brendan would ever really be able to forget him.

"_Until I'm in my grave you'll always be in my head, Stephen" _

And it was true. Brendan hated to admit it to himself, but he loved him. More than he had loved anyone, aside from the natural paternal instincts every parent felt. This wasn't the same; as much as Brendan tried to talk it down, call it a fancy, an infatuation, it simply wasn't. He wanted Stephen close to him; he didn't ever want to let him go. He loved him an insane, impossible amount. And that thought terrified him more than anything ever had in his entire life. It had led him to murder and destruction, the very extreme of nature.

"Brendan?" Stephen asked hesitantly. He had his trousers on now. His dark blonde hair was sticking up in several directions from their shower. Brendan felt a rising bubble of hysteria in his chest and laughed aloud at the sight of Stephen, his hair sticky and messed up, and the way he loved him all the more for it, and needed to kiss him, right this second. Which he did.

"Brendan!" Stephen breathed, grinning wildly. "You're keen aren't ya!"

Brendan puffed out a breath of air. "Ye aren't leaving, by the way" he said huskily.

"But the kids-"

Brendan cut him off by kissing him once more. "My issue, my business. Ye just…stay, right?" Brendan gave him a very serious look.

"Yeah, of course…" Stephen said uncertainly. "If that's what, if it's okay with y-"

Brendan kissed him hard on the mouth. Stephen didn't protest anymore after that.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

A few weeks passed by. Brendan and Stephen's arrangement was simple enough. They lived in the same house, ate meals together with Cheryl, and were friendly and even familiar with each other, as though they were nothing more than friends. But come the night and temptation would give way to passion, and they would re-acquaint themselves with each others bodies, hungry and desperate for each other. It was the only time in which they found themselves fully exposed to the other. It was difficult to talk about feelings, much easier to act on them.

As the days passed, Brendan felt a growing anxiety at the prospect of a visit from his sons. After insisting that Stephen remain, he knew that anything he did to show discomfort to the situation would frighten the boy away, perhaps for good. He was very careful, often quiet and contemplative in Stephen's presence as though afraid to arouse anger in his lover, and make him aware of the fact that he still struggled with all of this.

In contrast, Stephen seemed more alert and energetic. Now that he was temporarily alone in the world without the restraints of day to day parental duties, he found himself able to focus more on his own well-being. That wasn't to say he didn't miss his kids, far from it, but for the first time in as long as he could remember, he could look to himself, and only himself, for his happiness.

The trouble was his arrangement with Brendan. Brendan often chastised himself for becoming involved again with Stephen but he knew from the first moment he saw him again that it was inevitable; even Stephen had seemed to acknowledge that fact. He would often stare at Stephen unawares, noting how happy he seemed, how content. He could tell he was feeling lonely away from his family but he also seemed the most independent Brendan had ever seen him. It reminded him of all the times he had worked away from home, when he would feel invincible, just knowing that he had his own space for the time being but there was always a family waiting for him back at home. It was a comforting and empowering feeling, and Brendan was glad that Stephen was able to experience it.

At the corner of his mind he pondered what would happen when Stephen's three months were up and he decided to go back to Amy and the kids. It wasn't his home there; his home was here. With Brendan. Or perhaps not. Brendan didn't even know what he really wanted. He didn't think it was natural for two men to cohabit and live like any ordinary couple. It didn't seem _right _and yet these past few weeks with Stephen had felt wholly _right. _

Brendan relished their nights together when their bare chests would beat in unison, connected. How their hands would entwine, their lips brush caressingly. Brendan hadn't felt more alive than he had in the past few weeks with Stephen. Since he had left there had been a dull ache in his chest, desperate to be filled. Declan had filled that void and then some, but it wasn't completely the same. Brendan needed someone who knew all of his secrets, knew his true nature inside and out, and yet still wanted to be near him.

Stephen was entirely that and so much more.

A few days before Christmas Eve, Cheryl prepared a pre-Christmas dinner of turkey slices and roast potatoes. The boys had arrived the day before, much to Brendan's pleasure and admittedly, his discomfort. Declan had smiled happily at Stephen, taking him outside for a kick-a-about while Poraic had planted himself on the sofa with one of Declan's old games. Brendan had looked at Cheryl, who had shrugged and smiled.

"You know boys" She said simply. Brendan smirked awkwardly, going to sit with Poraic.

And now all five of them were around the dinner table; Lynsey had gone back to Ireland to see her family. There was silence around the dinner table, not quite uncomfortable. Declan had insisted on sitting beside Stephen, who had smiled purposefully at Brendan and agreed without hesitation.

Cheryl beamed at all of them as they ate, prizing herself on a meal well done. She had told Brendan earlier that she was preparing herself for the main event. Brendan had groaned; normally they didn't bother with Christmas dinner, just a meal for two in front of the crappy Christmas television. It was only the two of them last year, after all. But this year Cheryl had insisted on making an effort because of the boys staying with them. Brendan idly wondered what Eileen was doing for Christmas dinner, no doubt with Michael Donnelly. Brendan found he didn't particularly care.

"So, how come you're staying here, Ste?" Declan asked curiously, his fork pushing his vegetables around the plate. Like Father, like Son, avoiding eating his vegetables. Cheryl had had to make Declan a special vegetarian alternative instead of turkey but then Poraic had complained and Cheryl had had to make the same for him as well, only he didn't like it and now he was eating off of Brendan's plate. Brendan gritted his teeth and bore it, to the sniggers of Stephen and Cheryl.

"Oh" Stephen said, still smiling. "I came back to work for a while, send some money to my kids. Brendan and Cheryl said it would be silly for me to stay in a bed and breakfast when they had a spare room here" Stephen glanced at Brendan, looking away swiftly. He didn't add that he rarely spent his nights in his own bed, but in Brendan's instead.

"I'm glad you're here" Declan said, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Oh yeah?" Stephen asked, his shoulders lifting.

"Yeah. I like that Dad's not left alone, you know, when we aren't here" He gestured to himself and Poraic.

Stephen blushed visibly. "I do my best"

"So do I" Cheryl chimed in, giving Brendan a thoughtful look.

Brendan coughed uncomfortably. "I am capable of looking after myself, ye know"

"Sure" Declan said, grinning. "Old man needs someone to take care of him" Declan teased, earning a hair tousle from Brendan.

"Watch it" he warned without any real warning.

Stephen's phone began to ring. He jumped a little in his seat, apologising and standing up from the table.

"Amy" he mouthed to Cheryl. "Hello?" He walked out of the room, his voice becoming more distant. Brendan watched him leave with interest. He turned back to see Declan looking at him, his expression unreadable.

Stephen returned a few moments later, his eyes bright. He didn't look at Brendan, instead addressing himself to Cheryl. "Amy says the kids have been asking after me" he said in a rush, clearly feeling awkward. "They want me back for Christmas"

It was as though a lead weight had dropped into Brendan's stomach. Cheryl eyed him carefully before turning her attention back to Stephen.

"Oh, love. You should go then! The kids shouldn't be without their Dad at Christmas"

Stephen nodded. "Yeah, definitely" he glanced at Brendan. Brendan didn't meet his eyes.

After dinner, Cheryl insisted on washing up while Declan and Poraic watched television. Stephen and Brendan remained at table, Brendan's hands clasped in front of him, his eyes on the ceiling.

"Can I speak to you?" Stephen asked quietly. He glanced at the boys, but they were already preoccupied with a film.

Brendan inclined his head towards his bedroom, looking back once at the boys before he closed the door behind them. He stood against the door, arms crossed protectively in front of his chest.

"What is it then?" He asked gruffly, staring resolutely at the floor.

"Are you okay? With me leaving and everything?" Stephen asked.

Brendan shrugged, feigning disinterest. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno… you just seemed quiet when I mentioned it"

"It's your choice, Stephen. It was nice seeing ye anyway" Brendan looked over at the far wall, not meeting Stephen's gaze.

"You're speaking like I'm not coming back"

"Well, ye aren't, are ye?"

There was silence.

"Thought so" Brendan murmured, sighing.

When Stephen still didn't respond, Brendan glanced up. He was alarmed to see tears forming in Stephen's eyes.

"Ste-" he began, reaching out, but Stephen pulled away.

"Don't"

"What have I said?"

Stephen looked at him, the tears sticking to his fair lashes in an impossibly beautiful manner. Brendan wanted nothing more than to stride forwards and brush those tears away with his fingertips or his lips.

"You assume I'd just take off without explaining it to you"

"It wouldn't be the first time, would it?" Brendan argued without real fervour.

"That's not the point. Even if that was the case, you don't even care enough to comment on it, ask me to stay"

"Ye want to see yer kids-"

"It's called a gesture, Brendan"

"Ye are being ridiculous" Brendan said, suddenly feeling very old and tired. "What do ye want from me?"

Stephen stared at him blankly for several moments. "I really don't know" he croaked.

Brendan shrugged. "Then I can't help ye"

"No. I suppose you can't…" Stephen wiped at his eyes. "I'm leaving in the morning"

"Right" Brendan nodded.

"I _am _coming back, if that's what you want"

Brendan said nothing.

"Or maybe I won't?" Stephen's voice sounded strained.

"That's yer choice, Stephen" Brendan said. He didn't know who was saying these nonchalant things, but it certainly wasn't him.

"Fine, okay" Stephen stepped towards the door. "I'll see you then"

Brendan felt his heart clench. He wanted nothing more than to tell Stephen he didn't mean it, that he wanted him to come back, but some impossible force was preventing him from laying himself so bare. He was afraid, and confused. And like a wild animal, he didn't appreciate being backed into a corner with no means of escape, so instead he lashed out.

"Stephen" Brendan said, stopping Stephen in his tracks. "Merry Christmas"

"Thanks, you too" Stephen mumbled, before swinging open the door and letting it fall shut after him, perhaps for good.


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Declan sat on the floor in front of the sofa, his knees drawn up to his chest, his chin resting on his arms. His Christmas presents lay discarded beside him. Games, books, everything he had asked for. And money, plenty of money. It was what his Dad knew, wasn't it? How to throw money at a person and hope it solved everything. Declan wasn't complaining; he was saving up for a games console. But even so, he wished his Dad would tell him what was wrong. He tried to hide it; his smiles strained and his laughter hollow. Cheryl kept looking at him, worry evident in her eyes. Declan kept spotting them having hushed conversations together which more often than not ended in his Dad leaving the room abruptly.

He had asked Cheryl what was going on but she had brushed it aside; said it was nothing and to simply enjoy Christmas day. But how could he? He loved his Dad, he looked up to him. He didn't know what to do when the one person in the world who was supposed to be strong and constant in his life was suddenly in pieces.

He wanted answers. He wasn't too young to hear the truth. Poraic probably was, even though he hadn't noticed anything was wrong.

"Why do you keep staring at Dad?" He had asked, flicking Declan's ear to gain his attention.

Declan gave him an affectionate push. "No reason" he answered indifferently. Poraic shrugged and continued reading one of Declan's new books. Declan sighed, taking it out of his hands.

"Hey!" Poraic protested but Declan glared at him.

"Haven't you noticed anything wrong with Da?"

Poraic shrugged. "No. He's the same as ever" he resolutely snatched the book back.

Declan gave him a long-suffering look. "Well I'm going to ask him"

Poraic grabbed his arm as he rose, his eyes wide with childlike fear and ignorance. "Don't, he'll get mad"

"I don't care, he's our Dad" Declan said, rising anyway.

He was sitting by the kitchen table, soft drink in his hand. Cheryl had hidden the whiskey _for his own good _she had said but Declan didn't understand why. He didn't notice Declan's presence until Declan gently touched his hand to gain his attention. Brendan looked up, suddenly focused. His gaze had been lost and faraway before.

"What's the matter, son?" He asked, his voice low.

"Are you okay?" Declan asked, feeling his throat close up in fear. Brady men didn't often talk about feelings; even his Mum was sometimes a bit abrupt. Declan sometimes found himself to be frustrated with no one to talk to properly. Macca had been good to talk to until he stopped coming round anymore. Declan missed him. Ste was the sort of person Declan could talk to, but he wasn't here. Declan wondered idly if his Dad found Ste easy to talk to. Without thinking, he asked his question aloud.

"What?" Brendan said, startled and immediately wary for reasons Declan couldn't place. "Why do ye want to know that?"

Declan shrugged. "I like talking to him; he's easy to be around"

Brendan grunted, fingering his can absently. "Well, I suppose so"

"I miss him, don't you?"

Brendan looked at Declan carefully. "Yeah, yeah I miss him" his voice took on a quiet, gravely texture. Declan was astounded by the sincerity of his words.

"When's he coming back?" Declan asked after a few moments.

Brendan shrugged. "No idea"

"But he is though, right?" Declan pressed. He liked having Ste around, and knew that his Dad did as well.

Brendan looked away. "I don't know, son"

He wasn't telling Declan something, he could tell.

"Dad, what is it?" Declan asked very softly, placing his hand on Brendan's arm. He wasn't stupid, and he wasn't a kid. He just wanted to understand.

Brendan looked at him, his eyes bottomless. He looked sad, and very lonely. Declan squeezed his arm. He opened his mouth, closed it and sighed. "Nothing. It's nothing. Hey, let's watch a film, ye?"

Declan's shoulders wilted. "Okay, sure"

He resolved to text Ste later.

XXX

Ste sat staring out of the window, his forehead resting against the glass. Amy patted his shoulder, a mug of hot chocolate in her hands.

"Here" she said gently, handing it to him.

"Thanks" Ste said gruffly. The warm mixture warmed him but didn't make him feel better.

"What's wrong? You've had a face on you all day" She said, sitting across from him. Their new place was alright, better than their previous home. It still didn't feel like home to Ste though, and he suspected Amy felt the same. Her expression suddenly took on a new understanding. "Is it Brendan? What's he done?" She sighed, resigned.

"Nothing" Ste said, shaking his head. He was already regretting their last few words to each other. He had overreacted, he knew it, but he could never think straight around Brendan.

"Must be something" Amy pressed gently. "Are you regretting going back?"

"What? No" Ste said firmly. "It was for the best, we need the money"

"True" Amy agreed. "But we can move elsewhere if you're struggling around him"

"I'm not" Ste said, more sharply than he'd intended. "And we discussed this; you have your job here"

"Only part time though" Amy muttered.

"Still, you like it, right?" Ste asked, looking into Amy's face. He could tell something was wrong. "What is it?"

"I just get lonely, that's all" Amy sighed. "I don't know people very well around here, not like at home"

Ste looked at the floor. "I get that, but it's for the best, right?"

"Right" Amy said, smiling a little.

Ste's phone buzzed. He looked at the screen curiously. Declan.

"_Hey Ste, its Dec. Are u comin home soon? We miss u, Dad misses u"_

Ste stared at the screen for a long time, a lump forming in his throat.

"What is it?" Amy asked curiously.

Ste shook his head, unable to respond.

"You are happy with our arrangement, right? You don't want to just…I don't know" Amy trailed off uneasily. "You still want to go back?"

Ste looked at her, uncertain. "I…" his phone buzzed again.

"_Merry Christmas. Sorry. BB" _

Ste straightened, his face set.

"Yes, I do"

XXX

It was New Years Eve. Brendan was staring out on the balcony of Chez Chez, the cold night air whipping his face. He hadn't wanted to celebrate tonight, but Cheryl had insisted that he get out of the house. Declan and Poraic were at home, hopefully in bed as Brendan had instructed.

The club was heaving with bodies. Their drunken joy infuriated Brendan to no end. He hated New Years, always had done. It was just another excuse to make promises that couldn't be kept and to feel depressed at every bad thing you had done that year. And Brendan had done a lot; things that made him shudder with revulsion and shame. He didn't want next year to be the same but he couldn't see the alternative. How could he possibly change? Was he even capable of it?

Brendan sighed, tapping his watch against the bars of the balcony. It was steadily approaching midnight. Brendan wished he could skip it altogether, bury his head in a bottle of whiskey and let the night take him. But Cheryl had prevented him from getting behind the bar and had banned all whiskey from the house.

He was frustrated beyond belief. His knuckles clenched white, wanting some kind of release. He didn't know if Stephen was coming back, and he desperately needed to know. The boy made him feel both invincible and exposed all at once. He made him feel strong, and weak, powerless and invincible. He wanted him close, but he wanted him gone at the same time. But things were changing, nothing ever stayed the same. Brendan was beginning to think that their irresistible pull towards each other would never wane and that it was fruitless to keep denying it. He wanted Stephen with every bone in his body, every glimmer in his soul.

He turned around, resigning himself to the inevitable. He was going to spend this New Years the way he spent last New Years, bitter and alone. Only this time he wouldn't be close to vomiting every second at the thoughts of Danny which even now plagued his mind. Rubbing his hand over his face and closing his eyes, Brendan leaned his back against the balcony.

The countdown was starting. Brendan only half cared. He removed his hand from his face and closed his eyes, trying to block out the aggravating _ten, nine, eight…_

_Seven, six, five…_

_Four, three, two…_

_One. _

And then, out of nowhere, Brendan felt a pair of lips against his own. He gasped into the mouth, shocked beyond belief. He stiffened, uncertain of the occupant of his body space. But then he smelled the air, and he smelled _him_, and tasted him and that was it. His arms were around him, one hand moving to cradle the back of his head, pulling him closer.

They kissed for what felt like an eternity. Brendan was overwhelmed with feeling; perhaps it was the strangeness of the night, or the suddenness of the New Year, but he found his lips forming three words against Stephen's mouth involuntarily.

"I love you"

Stephen pulled back, looking at Brendan's face curiously. Then he smiled and rested his head against Brendan's chest. Stunned, Brendan held him tightly, his hand against his hair, stroking absentmindedly.

"I love you too, but you know that" Stephen said quietly, his voice slightly muffled by the fabric of Brendan's shirt.

Brendan laughed with an ease he hadn't felt in days. "Ye came back"

"Always, for you"

Brendan bowed his head, kissing the top of Stephen's.

"Do you make resolutions, Bren?" Stephen asked, pulling away to look at Brendan's face.

Brendan scoffed. "Ye don't believe in that crap do ye?"

Stephen smiled slightly. "Sometimes. It's a nice thought, don't you think?"

"I guess" Brendan said, feeling Stephen pull away from him and without thinking he pulled him in closer, making Stephen smile.

"And if you could make one, right now, what would it be?" Stephen looked directly at him, his blue eyes sparkling.

"I couldn't say…" Brendan said awkwardly.

"Aw, come on" Stephen insisted, burying his head once more against Brendan's chest. "I won't look at you, make it easier"

Brendan laughed lightly. "Well alright. I suppose if I had to choose something, to cherish, to remain with me the whole year and then some, there's really only one choice"

"Oh?"

Brendan sighed, feeling the absoluteness of his love for Stephen, and his closeness, the fact he had specifically came to the balcony and kissed Brendan when he was at his lowest, without fear or restraint. And for a moment Brendan forgot everything else. He simply allowed himself to feel, the blood running through his veins alive and powerful, invincible as he felt, with this boy in his arms.

"You. Always you" Brendan said very quietly, mirroring Stephen's earlier confession.

Stephen didn't say a word, didn't push for more, he simply held Brendan tighter as though reassuring him that everything would be okay, that the world wouldn't end because he felt such things and that he would stay with him, always, without the need to say so. And in that moment, Brendan was finally content.


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Brendan practically carried Stephen home that night. The boys were blissfully asleep upstairs and Cheryl and Lynsey were still at the club. Brendan stroked along Stephen's frame as he pushed him towards the bedroom, already half undressed by the time they got past the kitchen.

He pushed him onto the bed, marvelling over the smooth flesh on his body, the way his cheeks flushed pink, and how his gaze didn't waver from Brendan's steely own. It wasn't a challenge, not quite, more of an invitation. Brendan crawled across the bed, his body curved over Stephen's own. He kissed him fiercely, hungrily; as though tonight was the last night of their lives.

He flipped their positions, allowing Stephen to straddle him. It was a rare position for the two of them but Brendan enjoyed seeing Stephen's pleasure up close, solely for him. As things became heated, Stephen positioned himself above Brendan, his pale eyes sparkling in the darkened room. It was quite surreal, seeing this beautiful creature moving effortlessly on top of him, as though he belonged there. Brendan held his hips steady as Stephen pushed himself forwards, his face and neck still flushed, his eyes still glittering in the darkness.

Afterwards, Stephen's fingers played with the hair on Brendan's chest, a pleasant sensation that Brendan hadn't realised he missed. His arms were around Stephen protectively, Stephen's head resting against his chest where his fingers played with the hair. They didn't say a word; instead they drifted to sleep, a new year already unfolding before them, full of possibility and change. Brendan could only hope.

XXX

The next morning, Ste slipped quietly out of Brendan's arms, gathering his clothes together and silently creeping out of the room. He wanted to stay so badly, but something told him that the perfection of last night would only be marred by the harsh light of day and the inevitable withdrawal of Brendan's emotions.

He knew that he cared, cared deeply in fact, but he also knew of Brendan's fear. He couldn't bear seeing the suppression in his eyes, denying himself what he truly wanted. Ste crept up the stairs to his own room, aware that it was very early and yet not knowing the exact time of day. It was always a bit surreal on New Years day, going to sleep in the early hours of the morning and often waking up only a few hours later, disoriented at the time of day, the fact that everything was new and yet still the same.

Ste dressed himself and pulled on his leather jacket to brave the cold outside. He closed the front door as quietly as possible, the inevitable click of the lock making him wince. Once outside he relaxed, walking along in the stillness of the morning, the isolation comforting if not a little bit lonely. He stopped by the skate park, sitting down and pulling his knees up to his chest.

He had a lot to think about and not all of it good. He considered how wonderful it had been with Brendan, how right it had felt after all of this time. He could feel that Brendan had changed and yet still retained that spark that appealed to Ste so. Feeling sluggish, Ste laid out across the seat, his arms supporting his head like a pillow as he lay there.

He was beginning to wonder how he could possibly leave. It had only been temporary, coming back here. And yet Ste knew that when he had decided upon it there was a possibility something like this would happen and he wouldn't want to go back. Even Amy seemed conflicted over it and Ste didn't know what the right thing to do anymore was.

He closed his eyes, feeling suddenly tired with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He was startled awake in what felt like minutes later, by a rough hand on his shoulder.

"Stephen! Wake up"

"What?" Ste asked groggily, sitting up. His neck hurt from the odd position he had been lying in.

"What do ye think ye are doing? Sleeping out in the open like this?" Brendan's eyes were burning with rage but it wasn't directed at Ste, more on his behalf.

"No one's about" Ste answered, pushing himself up to a sitting position. Brendan immediately sat beside him.

"There's dodgy people about ye know" Brendan said quietly, his fingers splayed in front of him.

Ste looked him over curiously. He had obviously dressed in a hurry; his dark hair was still mussed from sleep and uncombed. Ste sighed and ran his fingers through it, smoothing it out. Brendan closed his eyes at the touch, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

"Were you worried?" Ste asked, attempting to disguise the rush of pleasure which shot through him at the thought.

"Maybe" Brendan said cagily. "I woke up and ye weren't there, what was I supposed to think?"

"That I'd gone for a walk?" Ste said, smirking.

"Well I don't know!" Brendan muttered. "I immediately suspect the worst"

"Hm" Ste said, mulling this over. "I can look after myself you know"

"Really?" Brendan asked, unsure.

"_Yes_" Ste emphasised. "I've been doing it my whole life"

"Ye shouldn't have to" Brendan said quietly. "I can look after ye"

Ste looked at him, puzzled. "What are you saying?"

Brendan looked at Ste, then at the ground. "I'm saying that I want ye to stay here, with me"

The silence hung in the air.

Ste was speechless; he looked incredulously at Brendan several times before letting out a long breath of air, alerting Brendan back to the present situation.

"Is that a yes? Or a no?" Brendan asked, his voice gruff. His barrier was shooting back up in preparation for rejection. Ste could feel it rippling through the air.

"I need…I need time to think" Ste said slowly.

Brendan looked at him quickly, his gaze intense. "Alright" he said eventually. "How long?"

"I don't know" Ste said, his hands running through his hair in agitation.

"What is there to think about?" Brendan asked quietly. He almost sounded hurt.

"Well, quite a lot!" Ste said, frustrated. He stood up. "I'm gonna go back to the house, have a coffee or something"

"Fine" Brendan grunted, standing up and smoothing his clothes down. His suit was all rumpled. It made Ste want to laugh hysterically for some reason but he swallowed it down.

"Are you…" Ste faltered. "Are you coming?" He eventually asked, his eyes impossibly hopeful. He saw a flicker of some unknown emotion in Brendan's eyes.

"Sure" he said smoothly, his hands stuffed into his pockets. "Lead the way"


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

The next few days were spent in some uncertainty. It was almost as though they were stuck in some kind of limbo between being together and not being together. Brendan wondered what had come over him the other day, laying himself so bare to Stephen, the anticipation of rejection creeping up his spine and making him shudder. Stephen still hadn't given his response and yet he still spent every night in Brendan's bed, exploring, wondering, needing.

Declan and Poraic had already returned to Ireland, much to Brendan's disappointment. He asked Eileen if they could stay again soon, perhaps sooner than the Easter holidays. She had agreed, albeit reluctantly. Brendan was glad; he loved having his boys around him more, he finally felt as though he was truly home whenever they were close.

The last day of his visit Declan had said something strange to him that Brendan couldn't shake off. It was a private moment between the two of them; Stephen and Cheryl had already gone out to the car with Poraic. Declan had lingered, his gaze serious as he looked at his Dad.

"Dad, promise me something"

Brendan had felt puzzled and surely looked it. "Anything, son"

"Be nice to Ste" There was an emphasis on his words that Brendan couldn't place; he felt his heart beat painfully at the idea of what Declan was suggesting.

"I…well of course I will" Brendan stuttered out. "Why do ye say that?"

Declan looked furtive for a moment. "Just a…feeling" Declan said slowly. "I like having him around, and I know you do too. When I come back, I'd like him to be here"

Brendan had laughed then, still unsure but his heart a little calmer. "Of course. Grown attached to the wee lad, have we?"

"Yeah" Declan smiled. Sometimes Brendan thought he was far wiser than his years, and he was so proud of him in that moment that he gave him a tight hug.

"Ye are a good boy, Dec. Look out for ye brother, alright?"

"Of course" Declan said, mimicking Brendan's earlier words. They smiled at each other a moment before moving through the front door.

It was one night a week after the boys had left that Stephen finally brought up Brendan's question. They were lying in bed together after a particularly long night at the club and then an even more tiring activity when they returned home.

Brendan was idly stroking Stephen's hair as he was wont to do in rare calm moments such as these. Stephen shifted a little, looking up into Brendan's face, his brow furrowed.

"What?" Brendan asked, his voice a little hoarse.

"Did you mean what you said last week? About me staying for good?"

Brendan was startled but composed himself quickly. "Why do ye ask?"

He didn't want to feel hopeful, not yet. If life had taught him anything over the years it was that you had to always expect the worst because then when something finally good happened, it would be all the more wonderful.

"I've been thinking about it a lot" Stephen said slowly. "And I've spoken to Amy recently"

Brendan stiffed a little.

"No it's okay, she didn't try to talk me out of it, surprisingly" Stephen stroked Brendan's chest to calm him.

"Did ye tell her everything?"

"Not quite, but enough" Stephen sighed. "To be honest I don't think she's all that happy there, as it is"

"Really?" Brendan was surprised. He had always assumed it was Amy's idea to move and that she would never want to return.

"She feels lonely" Stephen sighed. "Especially with me being here, and when I said maybe we should consider coming back for good, she did sound happy…"

"So?" Brendan pressed; he was looking at Stephen intently.

"So… it looks like I will be staying, after all" Stephen's face broke out into a grin. "Left you on the edge a bit there, didn't I?"

"Yes ye did, ye wee git" Brendan said, biting at his earlobe to chastise, but Stephen seemed to enjoy it.

"I have some questions though" Stephen began carefully.

"Shoot" Brendan said, laying back, his eyes closed in easy contentment. Nothing could faze him now. Stephen was staying with him, where he belonged.

"Will we be like, a proper couple?" Stephen sounded unsure of himself. Brendan opened his eyes to squint at him.

"And what does that entail exactly?"

"You know, going on holidays together, staying in on a Sunday watching crappy telly on the sofa, shagging in new, inventive places" Stephen smiled slyly. "I get that we won't be like most couples, but I don't want that, not really"

Brendan frowned a little. "I can't give ye anything conventional, are ye prepared for that?"

"What is conventional anyway? We do pretty normal things now, with added perks" Stephen kissed along Brendan's neck to illustrate these perks.

"Hmm" Brendan let out a satisfied noise at Stephen's kissing. "I mean like, going on double dates and having guests round for dinner" Brendan winced at the thought of such mundane activities.

"As long as I get my Sunday nights, I don't really care" Stephen grinned. "And of course the holidays to Ireland, to see your boys more often"

Brendan nodded, smiling. "I think they would like that"

"And could you handle it?" Stephen asked, once more unsure. "We don't have to tell them straight away but eventually…"

"I know" Brendan ignored the panic he felt at this thought. "It's fine"

"There is one other thing…" Stephen looked incredibly nervous now. He pulled away from Brendan a little, his hands twisting together.

"Goes without saying" Brendan said bluntly, answering Stephen's question before he was able to voice it.

"It's easy to say but-"

"I'll do whatever it takes, get help, whatever, but just know I won't…_ever_ hurt ye like that again, I couldn't, I-" Brendan shook his head. "It's out of the question"

Stephen nodded, relaxing once more. "I know it's never that simple, God do I know…" Stephen trailed off thoughtfully. "But I am willing to try, if you are"

"Ye know I am" Brendan said softly, reaching behind Stephen's neck to draw him close for a kiss.

And as romance novels often said, it was sealed with a kiss. Except Brendan knew this wasn't like some unrealistic romance novel, he knew there was a lot to get through, tough times inevitably ahead. But he knew that it would all be worth it in the end if he was able to keep Stephen close to him. And that was what counted, after all. After feeling the loss of him for months on end; Brendan knew he would never let him go again, come what may. He only hoped he had the strength to keep that promise.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Brendan's promise was tested only days later. It was an ordinary Sunday evening; Cheryl had made a roast, badly. Brendan had pretended to enjoy it, flashing Stephen a sly grin when Cheryl wasn't looking and pocketing some of the harder, impossible to eat vegetables.

Afterwards, Cheryl had gone to bed early and Lynsey was doing a late night shift which left Brendan and Stephen alone downstairs. Brendan was already sitting on the sofa when Stephen threw himself across his lap, his head resting by his thigh and his cheeky, smiling face looking up at Brendan.

"May I help ye?" Brendan asked teasingly.

"Just making myself comfortable" Stephen said, shifting a little. "What's on telly?"

Brendan shrugged, grabbing the remote. "Load of shit, frankly"

Stephen closed his eyes contentedly. "Good job I can't see then"

"Alright for ye" Brendan said, leaning back into the sofa and making himself comfortable. His hand rested idly on the top of Stephen's head, his fingers stroking through the strands of hair. "Hang on" he said suddenly, his hand stilling. He looked down at Stephen accusingly. "Is this your way of making us watch telly together and prove we can be normal?"

Stephen opened one eye, his lips curving into a smile. "Perhaps"

"Sneaky bastard" Brendan grabbed him and straddled him, Stephen laughing beneath him and clutching at his shirt.

"It worked, didn't it?" He reasoned.

"Maybe" Brendan smiled, leaning down to kiss Stephen softly. His hand was at Stephen's belt, tugging.

"And what do you think you're doing?" Stephen asked slyly, trying to get up but immediately being pushed back down by Brendan.

"Having my way with ye, problem?" Brendan grinned, slow and calculated.

"No, no problem" Stephen agreed, able to push himself up a fraction to kiss Brendan himself, his fingers curling around the dark strands of his hair.

"This is what I love about you" Stephen said between kisses. "Here we are, sitting on the sofa normally and you turn it into a seduction"

Brendan pulled at Stephen's bottom lip with his teeth. "Are ye complaining?"

"Of course not" Stephen said, his eyes widening as Brendan's hand plunged into his boxers.

"Besides, lying across me like that, ye can't say that was just friendly" Brendan shot him a sceptical look.

"It's almost too easy" Stephen grinned.

Brendan growled low in his throat, wrapping Stephen in his arms and rising from the sofa, Stephen's legs wrapped around his waist. He carried him to the bedroom but instead of putting him on the bed, he pushed him against the wall and continued to kiss him.

"Gotta keep things exciting, eh?" Brendan said, grinning wildly and positioning himself appropriately.

"With you, it's always exciting" Stephen whispered. He gasped aloud as Brendan pushed inside, clinging to him with every muscle in his body, his face buried in Brendan's neck, every now and again giving him a gentle nip of the teeth to spur him on.

Afterwards as they collapsed back onto Brendan's bed, Brendan found himself laughing with all of the ease and mirth he could muster. Stephen looked at him in confusion before he started smiling himself at Brendan's apparent joy.

"What is it?" Stephen eventually asked, prodding Brendan's side to gain his attention.

"Just us" Brendan wiped his eyes. "And how now my backs killing me"

Stephen's laughter bubbled over at that, collapsing against Brendan's stomach to muffle himself. "We'll wake Cheryl" he said, but he was unable to stop.

Brendan pulled him towards him, kissing him again and suddenly the situation wasn't as funny anymore. Pulling the covers over the two of them, Stephen rested his head on Brendan's chest and closed his eyes, tired out from the evening's activities. He fell asleep quite quickly after that but Brendan remained awake for a while, mulling things over.

It felt natural, the two of them. But Brendan anticipated that things wouldn't be quite as straightforward outside of their little bubble of peace. Stephen would inevitably want more, would want Brendan to hold him in public, to kiss him outside. It wasn't something Brendan was even remotely prepared for. He had given up caring what others thought a long time ago but he still felt as though showing themselves to the world would make what they were doing real, and Brendan wasn't certain he could cope with that.

He wondered what his Da would say if he knew. Inevitably something about being a man, and to be a man meant not to show weakness under any circumstances. And yet Stephen made Brendan weak; he was always a pawn in games against Brendan with bigger men; notably Warren and Danny.

At the same time however, Brendan felt strong when he was with Stephen. It made no discernable sense but he felt both powerless and invincible in his presence. As though he could conquer the world with the reassuring knowledge that Stephen was beside him and yet crumble and fall with the idea that he could be taken away at any moment, or that Brendan himself would push him away like he had done so many times before.

Brendan was scared, and it was a familiar and unwelcome feeling. He remembered the last time that he pondered these things, on New Years Eve, and how Stephen had shown the truth of himself and kissed him with all of the love and understanding he possessed; it was the most honest kiss they had ever shared, not only because it was completely unexpected and natural, but because it felt like coming home, and accepting a part of himself Brendan realised he would never be able to silence.

Stephen snuffled in his sleep allowing Brendan's mind to quieten and to join Stephen in blissful slumber.

xxx

A few days passed by and arrangements started to be made. Amy gave in her notice for her job and began to pack things away for the move. Ste kept in contact, helping as best he could in the distance between them. He couldn't really afford to travel to Amy's again for the second time. Brendan had offered to pay for his ticket naturally, albeit reluctantly. Ste had the distinct impression that Brendan was wary of him running away again, the unspoken question hanging in the air between them in quiet moments where minds worked in overdrive and no one was willing to say what they really felt.

Such an eventuality arose one afternoon at the club when Ste was taking a break and looking through the paper for a new flat. He felt a presence hovering behind him and without even needing to turn, addressed him.

"What's the matter, Brendan?" He asked, sighing and closing the paper shut. Brendan took it into his own hands, looking at it with distaste.

"Why are ye looking at flats?"

Ste stared at him blankly. "For Amy and the kids…and well, me" he said, as though it were obvious.

Brendan turned his face away. "Right" he said bluntly, walking away from Ste without warning.

Ste stared after him, astonished. "That man" he murmured under his breath.

Brendan avoided Ste for the remainder of the day, leaving Ste confused and annoyed. By the end of his shift he had reached his wit's end. Spotting Brendan standing by the bar, Ste walked over to him and pulled on his sleeve to get his attention, his expression set and determined. He motioned towards the office, not waiting for a response. He heard Brendan sigh and then follow a few steps behind him.

Brendan closed the door and leant against it, his arms crossed. He wasn't looking at Ste directly but at a fixed point behind him. Ste sighed, sitting on the edge of the desk.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his head tilted to the side.

"I don't want to talk about it" Brendan said quietly.

"Well that's stupid" Ste said, frowning a little. "I've obviously upset you somehow, won't you just tell me?"

Brendan opened his mouth but then swiftly closed it, his gaze focused on the floor.

Ste rolled his eyes, rising from his seat on the desk and edging slowly towards Brendan. His hands were spread out in a peaceful gesture, causing Brendan to look at him, his eyes narrowing.

"Ye aren't scared of me, are ye?" He sounded hurt. Ste immediately dropped his hands.

"No" he said firmly, moving forwards to wrap his arms around Brendan's waist, his head on his chest. "See? No fear from me"

"Good" Brendan murmured. They remained silent for several moments. "Alright" Brendan eventually said. "Why are ye moving out?"

Ste pulled back a little, startled. "Is that what this is about? Bren, I just assumed…"

"Assumed what?"

"That when Amy came back with the kids, you'd expect me to… I don't know, move on?"

"And why exactly would I want that?" Brendan asked, his tone impossibly light.

"Because…" Ste floundered for words. "I don't know" he admitted. "Is that not the case then? Do you not want me to move out?"

Brendan's frame relaxed a little. "Well no. But I get it, yer kids and everything"

"I didn't think it would be up for discussion" Ste said, puzzled.

"Ye just expect the worst from me"

"That's not fair" Ste said, making sure that Brendan was looking directly at him. "Listen, we can talk about it-"

"It's fine" Brendan said abruptly, moving past Ste.

"Why are you being like this?" Ste said, suddenly frustrated.

"Nothing's perfect" Brendan said nonchalantly, his back to Ste.

Ste huffed out a breath in annoyance. "Fine" he said through gritted teeth, turning to leave.

"Going are ye? Shocking"

Ste turned around slowly. "Meaning?"

"Meaning ye run away when things get tough, not surprising"

"I had every reason to leave!" Ste said, his tone rising.

"Right" Brendan said, his fingers brushing against the desk. "Right" he said again.

"If you want me to stay you only need to ask!" Ste said, growing more frustrated by the minute. "But maybe that isn't as much fun for you"

Brendan snorted. "None of this is fun, Stephen"

"Oh all right then, _we _aren't fun then? Right, okay"

"That isn't what I meant!" Brendan said, walking towards Ste. "I'm just saying, I hate fighting with ye"

"Well I hate it too" Ste said, crossing his arms.

"Can we just…stop then?" Brendan asked, his arms spread wide in a peaceful protest. He was starting to look amused.

"You drive me insane" Ste said, but he was beginning to smile.

"Come here" Brendan said, holding out his arms. Ste moved forwards, enveloped by Brendan's embrace.

"You are a…" Ste began, building up to a good insult. Brendan grinned wolfishly, kissing Ste before he could say anymore.

After a while, they began to forget what they were even fighting about.

xxx

Brendan held out a hand to Stephen from the floor. Things had gotten heated pretty quickly. Make up sex was always the best, in Brendan's opinion. He was tempted to start arguments more often.

"So are we alright now?" Stephen asked, his hands on Brendan's hips.

"Of course, Stephen" Brendan said, moving to kiss the tip of his nose in an oddly innocent gesture. Sometimes he didn't know what possessed him.

"And we'll talk about it, yeah?"

"Yes" Brendan said. "But not tonight"

"Not tonight" Stephen agreed.

"Home then?" Brendan queried.

"I thought you'd never ask" Stephen grinned, allowing Brendan to pull him against his side for a moment before releasing him and stepping back out into the real world, away from their own little private space together where so much was achievable.

"Next time we'll leave blankets in here or something" Brendan gestured absently to the ground, rough on their backs only moments before.

"Nah, I like it" Stephen grinned slyly. "It's very _us _I think"

"Ye might be right there" Brendan agreed, closing the door after them.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Brendan sat on a chair beside his bed, his back lowered, his hands entwined in front of him. Stephen was fast asleep, curled up in the bed covers. Brendan wished that he could sleep as easily. But there were nights such as these when distressing thoughts would resurface and he would find it impossible to rest. Thoughts of Danny, of the pain and suffering he had caused Stephen, and in tonight's case, the fear of how his sons would react to him if they knew the truth.

Declan was coming over for the weekend, it had all been arranged. Brendan had been oddly calm about it earlier, for the sake of Stephen. Now that he was alone with his thoughts however, he was petrified. Declan seemed to like Stephen, but that wasn't the problem. Brendan knew that this was a huge step and a means in which to prove to Stephen that he could really do this; could be open about himself and his feelings.

But to admit after all this time what he really was proved to be a difficult concept for Brendan to accept. He knew deep down that this day would come after years of trying to repress his feelings, of messing men around and hurting them beyond repair. Vinnie, Macca and now Stephen. Sometimes he thought it would be best to let Stephen go; to allow him to find someone else who could be out and proud unquestionably and not be as fucked up as Brendan clearly was.

With these thoughts in mind, Brendan lay beside Stephen on the bed, on top of the covers. His hand reached out tentatively to brush the hair away from Stephen's forehead. He looked so peaceful; his fair eyelashes closed delicately, his lips slightly parted. Brendan bent down to kiss his cheek, light as a feather. Some irresistible force was pulling him towards the boy, making him want to climb into bed and allow Stephen to soothe his troubles away by his touch.

There was something stopping him though. How was it possible to love someone so much and yet know deep down that they deserved better? Brendan was capable of love, no matter what anyone might say, and yet he wasn't convinced that he deserved it. More than that, he wasn't sure if being loved by a man, and loving a man, was right. His instincts told him otherwise; that it was wrong and vile and shouldn't continue. But how could that possibly be when all Brendan saw when he looked at Stephen was love and devotion?

It wasn't a simple kind of love; it was dark and dangerous, possessive and frightening. It was everything Brendan couldn't handle and yet couldn't imagine being any other way. He wanted Stephen, more than he had wanted anything before in his entire life. And yet taking it felt selfish. It was almost crushing enough to make Brendan leave the bed, the room, the house, the village; forever.

But as he shifted slightly away, Stephen's hand groped out, finding Brendan's shirt and clinging for dear life. He wasn't awake but some part of his subconscious must have sensed that something was terribly wrong and had reacted in the only way he knew how, reaching out and tugging at Brendan's heart.

Brendan laid back down again, his arm resting comfortably over Stephen's waist. Stephen's body shifted forwards slightly, his forehead butting against Brendan's chest gently like a sleepy puppy might to gain attention. Brendan was overwhelmed for a moment; able to express his adoration for the boy in the dark night, unbeknownst to all except himself, and he was really the only person he needed to convince.

He pulled him closer, his arms wrapping around him like a cocoon of safety. Perhaps even in sleep, Stephen was trying to tell him something. Telling him that no matter how much Brendan might want to let him go, he would always remain, would always return to him. It was an unsettling and wonderful thought, and it carried Brendan into the realms of sleep until the morning when Stephen remained wrapped in his embrace, waking with a feeling of doubt that he had almost lost something, but had managed to retain it, whatever it was.

xxx

It was a quiet day at home; the remainder of the cold weather lingered on the air, making people reluctant to leave their homes. Brendan and Stephen were still in bed, unable to move and not even wanting to. It was already past eleven o'clock; Lynsey had been and gone, Cheryl had knocked on the door to offer them breakfast and coffee, to which Brendan responded with a decisive grunt.

"That's a yes then" Cheryl had said, amused.

They had eaten breakfast in bed, Stephen getting crumbs everywhere and rolling his eyes every time he did so.

"Ye need a bib, boy" Brendan had said, handing him a tissue.

"I'm clumsy, sue me" Stephen said, placing the tissue across his chest. "I think we overslept, it's made me a bit confused"

"Surely it's a nice feeling?"

"Of course, I'm just not used to it" Stephen smiled easily, his eyes brightening as they rested on Brendan's face. "The kids, you know, always wake me up"

"I bet ye miss them though"

"Every day" Stephen said, serious for a moment. "But they'll be back soon and all will be well again"

"Has it not been?" Brendan began a little tersely. "Well, I mean?"

"Don't be silly, it's been lovely" Stephen flushed. "Just be nice to have everyone I love in one place"

"Soppy git" Brendan murmured, taking a large bite of his toast and eating with his mouth wide open.

"Disgusting" Stephen chided but he smiled all the same. "What's the agenda for today then?"

"Nothing" Brendan said, leaning back and placing his empty plate on the table beside him. "I plan to stay here all day, with ye, uninterrupted"

"Sounds ominous" Stephen said, removing his plate from the bed. "And what will we do here? All alone?"

"Well…" Brendan began slyly, his fingers finding their way to Stephen's waist. "I can think of a few things"

"Is that right?" Stephen asked, his eyebrows raised.

"It is indeed, Mr Hay" Brendan said silkily, moving to kiss along Stephen's neck.

"Bren…" Stephen groaned as he was pushed to a lying down position.

"Want me to stop?" Brendan teased, hovering above Stephen. It was a nod to an encounter they had shared a long time ago, and the irony wasn't lost on Stephen.

"You know I don't" Stephen said shakily, his hands supporting Brendan's hips.

Brendan kissed him then, his hands sliding up Stephen's shirt and rubbing at his bare skin, raising goosebumps at his touch. Brendan moved from Stephen's mouth to his neck, gently biting and sucking as his hands found their way past Stephen's boxers, stroking, caressing, exploring. Stephen's back arched at the feel of Brendan's hands all over him, one at his stomach, the other…

It felt all encompassing; Brendan's body all over Stephen's, trapping him willingly beneath Brendan's warm body, his skilled hands making Stephen cry out and groan into the pillow, muffling the sound. Brendan flipped him onto his back, lining himself up at Stephen's entry, entering slowly after careful preparation, taking his sweet time to enjoy every moment of their encounter.

It was slow and languorous; Stephen's skin was sweet and salty as Brendan licked a line from his ear to his collarbone, holding his body flush against his own, Stephen's head lolling back onto his shoulder, desperately searching for a kiss that was not yet granted.

Brendan picked up the pace, taking Stephen into his hand and pumping him slowly to match his thrusts. Stephen was becoming frustrated and desperate, pushing back against Brendan in his need for release. It didn't take long for it to be granted, the remnants of Stephen's desire spilling out onto the bed sheets while Brendan's own were satisfied elsewhere.

They collapsed onto the bed afterwards, both of them too sticky and hot to move. Brendan's hand rested on Stephen's rear as though claiming a prize, a victory. They remained that way for some time until Brendan eventually rose from the bed, taking a befuddled Stephen with him by the hand to the shower.

Stephen leant back against Brendan, one of Brendan's hands in his hair and the other on his hip. It felt good with the hot water cascading between them, fusing them together as they washed each other. It didn't take long for the two of them to get worked up again and have to rub at each other furiously for release once more.

Afterwards when they were wrapped up in towels, Brendan led Stephen back to bed, stripping off the dirty sheets and replacing them before they lay back down, Stephen curled around Brendan, his head resting on his stomach. They remained there for some time drying themselves off.

As the afternoon progressed into evening, Brendan allowed them to dress sparingly, propping their pillows up as they watched television in bed, Brendan's fingers ghosting over Stephen's skin. Their third encounter was heady and sweet; their connection strong enough that every touch was memorised and perfect in its simplicity, both of them by this stage knowing exactly what the other wanted and how they wanted to be touched.

Exhausted, they slept for a few hours together until the evening became late and Brendan knew that by morning they would have to go back out into the real world and leave their cocoon of peace. To make up for it he made Stephen dinner, which they ate in silence at the kitchen table before he mutely took his hand and brought him back to the bedroom, this time simply to sleep and savour each other's company.

They fell asleep once more that night, their legs twisted together, the rest of their bodies separate but still somehow entwined. When Brendan was close to the edge of sleep, Stephen reached out and took his hand, squeezing gently. No other thanks were needed, and Brendan smiled as he fell asleep.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

The air was cold and harsh on Brendan's face. Leaving the house had proven to be difficult after being so comfortable the day before. Stephen had whined a little when Brendan had told him he had to go out but he had accepted it silently when Brendan bent down to brush his lips softly against his.

He couldn't leave Warren in charge unsupervised for too long; fuck knows what would end up happening. Even so, he felt uneasy being out of the house and yet he couldn't quite work out why. He wanted to take care of his business as quickly as possible and then return home.

He walked into the club, spotting Warren almost immediately sitting beside the bar, a newspaper in his hand.

"Alright, Brady?" He asked lightly, not looking up.

"Fine. Got the books?"

"Office" Warren said shortly.

Brendan nodded, closing the office door behind him.

He spent about an hour working on the books before he heard a knock on the door. Warren walked in after a few moments hesitation and sat across from Brendan.

"What is it, Foxy?" Brendan asked, not looking up.

"Do you mind covering for me tonight? Mitzeee and me, we've well, got plans" Warren grinned slyly as Brendan slowly looked up.

"Is that right? And I don't have plans?"

Warren raised his eyebrows. "Oh right, course. You have your Stephen back. How longs that going to last then?"

"It's not up for discussion" Brendan said tersely.

Warren laughed. "I'll give it a few months until it all comes crashing down"

Brendan stood up abruptly. "Is that it then?"

"Depends, are you going to cover me or not?"

"Sure, whatever" Brendan said airily. He'd ask Stephen to join him anyway.

"Thanks, mate" Warren said, clapping a hand on Brendan's shoulder which he recoiled from. "Remind me to return the favour sometime"

"Oh ye can count on it" Brendan said, seeing Warren out of the room. He was about to close the door when Stephen bounded up the stairs.

"Bren! Glad I caught you" Stephen said, eyeing Warren warily and sliding past Brendan into the office.

"What is it?" Brendan asked, feeling tense.

"Amy called, she's back tonight! I can't believe it; I said a little notice would have been nice…" Stephen trailed off, shaking his head. "Anyway, she's staying with Mike for a bit until she finds something more permanent and I said I'd help her unpack and deal with the kids"

"Can't Mike do it?" Brendan asked. He couldn't disguise the annoyance in his tone.

"He has enough on his plate" Stephen said dismissively. "Besides, I want to" His pale blue eyes looked at Brendan fixedly for a moment. "That's okay isn't it? We didn't have plans?"

"I have to work" Brendan said with a sigh, sitting on the edge of the desk. A part of him wanted to make Stephen stay and work as well, but that wasn't Brendan's style anymore; not always.

"Aw that's a shame" Stephen said, cocking his head to the side.

"Hey, how are ye getting there?" Brendan frowned. Stephen would be going quite late he imagined. He didn't like the idea of that.

"Oh I'll get a taxi or something"

"No" Brendan said, the word coming out without warning.

"No?" Stephen laughed a little. "How else? You don't want me to get the bus, do you?"

"No!" Brendan said again, a little more forcefully. "No, listen I'll drive ye, before work"

"Oh" Stephen's expression lightened. "That's great, thank you"

"My pleasure"

Stephen occupied the space around them a little awkwardly. He could probably sense Brendan's displeasure but couldn't work out why. He moved forwards, hesitating before kissing Brendan's cheek.

"I'll see you later" he said, skittering out of the office.

Brendan sighed heavily, knocking a few pens off of his desk in frustration. "Great" he murmured to himself.

xxx

Ste slipped into the passengers' seat, his hands resting on his lap awkwardly. Brendan hadn't said much since he'd returned from the club. Ste couldn't help but feel as though he had done something wrong. Brendan slid in beside him, starting up the engine. It was odd but Brendan looked impossibly more attractive in his car. He pulled out his shades, driving away from the village speedily and decisively, as was Brendan's style.

It took a while for Ste to find the courage to say anything. He stared out of the window for a while, watching the world pass by in a blur. He hadn't driven since he was a teenager and had been arrested for the accident. It didn't inspire much confidence in getting behind the wheel once more. Ste glanced over at Brendan who looked straight ahead at the road, his expression unreadable. Ste decided for some light conversation to ease the tension.

"How come you're working tonight then?" He asked, his voice coming out low and raspy. He cleared it.

"Foxy has plans" Brendan said distastefully. Perhaps this hadn't been the best topic after all.

"It worked out quite well then" Ste said lightly. "Me going to Mike's and all" he clarified.

"Hm" Brendan replied darkly. They were silent once more.

"Is something, um…" Ste trailed off uncertainly. "Wrong?"

Brendan finally looked at him. "No" he said.

"You're acting strange" Ste said without thinking, immediately regretting his choice of words.

"Strange?" Brendan asked, incredulous. "What are ye on about?"

"Can we stop somewhere a minute?" Ste requested, feeling uneasy.

"Alright" Brendan said, his voice low. He pulled into a service stop, cutting off the engine and leaving the car eerily silent. "Well?" He said after a while, his fingers drumming across the steering wheel in irritation.

"Do you not want me to go?" Ste asked uncertainly.

"That's ridiculous" Brendan said quietly. "What kind of man would I be if I couldn't handle ye having yer own life away from me?"

Ste frowned, noting the truth hidden in Brendan's words. "That's it, isn't it?"

"What's it?" Brendan asked sharply.

"You _can't _handle it" Ste said slowly. "You're scared that-" he cut off, feeling foolish and bigheaded. "No, never mind"

"No, carry on" Brendan pressed, clearly agitated.

"Okay…" Ste began again. "You're scared that by letting me go will make me not want to come back, and leave you again"

"A little dramatic for a trip to Mike's" Brendan said dryly but Ste was sure he had hit a nerve.

"It's not just that" Ste said, beginning to understand. "This morning you said something"

"What did I say? I was half awake when I left ye"

"You said…" Ste frowned. "You said that you had to go, and you looked at me…" Ste trailed off, remembering. "You looked at me like it was the last time you ever would, and when you kissed me…it felt like goodbye"

"It was goodbye" Brendan said gruffly. "I was going out"

"No… it was more than that" Ste said, staring into the distance. He looked at Brendan suddenly. "Are you scared to leave me alone?"

The question took Brendan by surprise. He gripped his sunglasses firmly, not looking at Ste.

"It's alright" Ste said, dazed. "I think I understand"

"Ye don't" Brendan said suddenly, his voice coming out low and harsh. "I'm not like ye, Stephen. I'm not like everyone else. I don't _do _relationships. Sure with Vinnie, I said he was my boyfriend to ye but, well he wasn't, not really" Brendan stared out of the window. "I don't accept things like other people do, I don't know how to distance myself from ye when ye are so close to me, and after so long without ye. And after everything that has driven us apart and threatened us, how can I accept that ye will be there every time I come home? Who's to say ye won't be gone?"

"Well I say" Ste said softly, overwhelmed by Brendan's words. "You just have to trust me"

"I don't know how" Brendan said, brutally honest.

Ste hesitantly reached out to take Brendan's hand in his smaller one. "Relationships are never easy, they take work and sacrifice. You have to give each other space, and I know that space is very important to you, at least I thought it was" Ste said doubtfully.

"Maybe when we weren't…When it wasn't like this, when I knew I could lure ye back whenever I wanted"

"Me leaving" Ste said, comprehension dawning suddenly on him. "Really changed your perspective, didn't it?"

"Ye have no idea" Brendan breathed out a shaky breath.

"I don't know if that's good or bad" Ste said hesitantly.

"Both I think. It's left me more of a paranoid mess than before, and at the same time made me realise what I was missing"

Ste nodded slowly, thinking things through. "How can I help? What can I do?"

"Nothing" Brendan said. "Just let me work through it myself"

"Do you need me to…?" Ste left the question unanswered. He wasn't sure that going to Mike's was the best idea right now.

"It's fine. Ye go, I'll pick ye up later, okay?"

"Okay" Ste said, breathing a sigh of relief.

Brendan looked at Ste then, his lips curving into a sad smile. "I must frighten ye quite a bit"

"Not anymore" Ste said truthfully. "You can always tell me these things though, I don't mind"

Brendan nodded. "Alright"

The rest of the journey passed by amicably. Brendan drove one-handed, his other hand enclosed over Ste's. When they arrived outside Mike's, Ste leaned across the seat to give Brendan a tight hug, his lips finding the place on his neck he loved to be touched.

He watched him drive away feeling both relieved and a little anxious. There was so much they still had to work through; Brendan had been a closed book for so long now that things were starting to bubble unceremoniously to the surface. Ste liked the honesty, cherished it after all of the uncertainty and fear, but he still felt uneasy. He needed to show Brendan that he wasn't going anywhere, not now Brendan had proved himself.

Amy was impossibly happy to see him. The kids bounded over to him, clinging to his legs before Ste bent down to wrap them in his arms. He smiled at Amy over their heads, feeling like a family once more.

They spent the day sorting through Amy's things and separating Ste's own boxes. It took a while and by the end of it Ste felt exhausted. Collapsing into a kitchen chair, Amy made him a cup of tea and brought it over with her own. She sat across from him, a pensive look on her face.

"What is it?" Ste asked uneasily, sipping at his tea.

"What's the plan, Ste?" Amy asked directly.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you staying with Brendan, or moving back in with us?"

Ste stared down at the mug in his hands. "It isn't easy" he said quietly.

"I know" Amy said gently. "And it's completely your choice and we'll be nearby regardless, so you can come by every day"

"Good, that's good" Ste said distractedly.

"Has something happened?" Amy asked curiously.

"What? No. Not really" Ste looked at her. "Bren's just a bit paranoid right now, that's all"

"He's frightened about losing you" Amy said. It wasn't a question.

"Well, yeah. Pretty much"

"It doesn't surprise me" Amy said with a sigh, putting her mug down. "He doesn't deserve you and he knows that"

"Amy-"

"Hear me out" Amy put up a hand, silencing Ste. "But I can see that he loves you, and you love him. And nothing I say or do will change that"

Ste smiled ashamedly.

"So I'm happy for you, both of you" Amy said with a small smile. "And if Brendan needs to keep you close right now then that's okay. We're here regardless"

"That means a lot, thank you" Ste said genuinely, reaching across the table to kiss Amy's cheek.

Amy chuckled. "Besides, if I get a new boyfriend you'll only cramp my style" She grinned a little, teasing.

"Is that right? Got your sights set on anyone?"

Amy blushed visibly.

"It all comes out now!" Ste said triumphantly. They spent the remainder of the evening chatting about Amy's love life and other chatter; it felt good to talk to Amy once more. After they put the kids to bed they cuddled up on the sofa together like they used to. Ste was almost reluctant to go home; it felt so comfortable here with Amy and the kids.

xxx

Brendan was at the club, his fingers tapping impatiently on the bar, glancing up every now and then to look at the clock. Cheryl emerged from the office, walking towards him with a knowing smile on her face.

"Missing him?"

"Mm" Brendan said in acquiesce.

"When are you picking him up?" Cheryl asked, leaning against the bar.

"Another hour or so" Brendan said, looking at the clock once more. Cheryl followed his gaze.

"It's quite late, what are they doing?"

Brendan held his phone in his hand. "He texted, they're watching television or something now the kids are asleep"

Cheryl looked at Brendan, her face soft. "Do you not think he should stay there tonight? Just this once?"

Brendan looked at her sharply. Cheryl read his expression easily, she knew her brother well.

"You have to trust him to come back, Bren. Otherwise it won't last"

Warren's earlier words echoed in Brendan's mind. Cheryl was right, as much as he hated to admit it.

"Ye think?" He said, unsure.

"I _know_" Cheryl corrected. "Go on, text him. He'll appreciate it" Cheryl patted his shoulder as she moved past him and away.

Brendan stared down at his phone, contemplating what he should say. Eventually he decided on:

"_Stephen, ye might as well stay with Amy tonight. I'll be fine, missing ye like mad, but I'll deal. About time I trusted ye, isn't it? BB" _

The reply came through only moment's later, making Brendan smile warmly. He hoped no one was watching him right now but he suspected that Cheryl would be.

"_Thank u. Love u xx" _


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Brendan slept uneasily. The bed felt far too large for him, and he tossed and turned for most of the night, blaming his restlessness on the heat or that he wasn't tired enough but really knowing the truth of the matter was that he missed _him_. When morning came Brendan swung his legs out of bed; he was clad in black boxers. He had stripped his t-shirt off sometime in the night hoping to cool himself down but it hadn't helped. It was the most frustrating thing, knowing sleep was necessary but not even remotely wanting to rest. Brendan had to drive today as well which meant staying alert. It wasn't the safest thing to do but he drank some black coffee and brought an energy drink with him for the ride, hoping that he would get there in one piece. It wasn't as though he was going to leave Stephen for one more minute.

He arrived at Amy's just after ten o'clock, making sure his sunglasses were firmly in place as he knocked on the door. He didn't want Stephen to see his eyes looking so bloodshot. He was taken aback when a man he had never met before answered the door. He must have been in his mid-forties, brown-haired, shorter than Brendan was. Brendan knew who he was without even having to think about it.

"Mike" he said, tilting his head back.

"And you must be Brendan" Mike said, sounding amused. "I suppose you'd better come in"

"Is Stephen not- is he not here?" Brendan coughed to disguise his anxiety.

"He's still asleep" Mike stepped aside to invite Brendan in.

"Right" Brendan said, feeling strangely out of place in the small living room.

"Sit down I'll make you a brew" Mike offered.

"Sure" Brendan said, sitting awkwardly on the armchair of the sofa.

Mike returned a few moments later with two cups, he handed one to Brendan, looking him over curiously. His eyes lingered on Brendan's sunglasses which Brendan hastily took off.

"Rough night?" Mike asked conversationally.

Brendan sipped at his tea. "Ye could say that"

They were silent for a few moments.

"I've heard a lot about you" Mike said, grinning a little.

"Oh yeah? From the lovely Amy" Brendan tried to tone down the irony.

Mike nodded, sensing Brendan's less than sincere comment. "You and my daughter haven't really gotten off on the right foot, have you?"

"Bit of an understatement" Brendan muttered. "But we're alright. Sometimes we have tea" Brendan couldn't believe how ridiculous that sounded, and chuckled.

"It's the Barnes way" Mike explained. "Anything can be fixed with a cup of tea"

"Naturally"

"So you and Ste?" Mike said, not beating around the bush. "Gotta say when Amy told me I was surprised…"

"Oh ye?" Brendan said, eyebrows raised. "Why's that then?"

"Because Ste was so besotted with Amy, it never occurred to me that he was…" Mike trailed off. "Maybe I should have guessed; things weren't exactly plain sailing" Mike looked off to the side, his expression dark.

Brendan coughed uncomfortably. "No…" he agreed.

"But they get on better than ever now" Mike said, his tone a little lighter. "It's nice to see her looking so happy, and I suppose Ste as well"

"Happy? He looks happy?" Brendan asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

Mike laughed knowingly. "Of course. In fact, I've never seen him like this"

"Mmm" Brendan said, sipping his tea once more. "Ye approve then?" He didn't know why he needed this man's approval but it seemed appropriate somehow.

Mike looked up, startled. "What? Well, not that you need it but sure, why not?" Mike smiled a little sadly. "I don't suppose Ste has anyone else to approve for him"

"His parents" Brendan said, leaning forwards. "He won't talk about them, why is that?"

Mike looked at Brendan in some pity. "They were a bad sort. His Mum, alcoholic. Never knew his real Dad and his Step Dad, well…"

Brendan gazed at Mike intently. "His Step Dad?"

"Has he never told you?" Mike frowned. "I shouldn't really say…"

"No. Please do. Me and Stephen we're…" Brendan gestured inadequately with his hands, unable to think of a suitable word.

Mike sighed. "Well, okay. He was violent, beat Ste up all the time while his Mum just watched. Terrible childhood, makes sense how he turned out…" Mike looked away.

Brendan didn't say anything. He stared at the floor, too stunned for words.

It was at that moment that Stephen emerged, dressed in his clothes from the night before and looking a little sleepy and haggard.

"Bren" he said in some surprise. "Wasn't expecting you so early" He rubbed at his eyes tiredly. "Everything alright?" He could sense the tension in the room. Brendan quickly rose from his seat, diffusing the situation.

"Yeah, no problem" He said, barely trusting his voice to speak. "Ye, um, alright?"

"Yeah, course" Stephen smiled that adorable lop-sided smile of his. "I'll get my stuff"

Brendan nodded, almost to himself. "I'll be here"

When he disappeared, Brendan ran a hand over his face.

"I'm sorry" Mike said, rising to take the cup out of Brendan's hands. "Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything?"

Brendan shook his head. "No, it's okay. I needed to- needed to hear that"

Mike looked at him in some confusion but decided not to press it. He went back to the kitchen with the two cups, leaving Brendan alone with his thoughts.

When Stephen re-entered the living room he had to pat Brendan on the shoulder to gain his attention. He stared down at him, his eyes soft and concerned.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Brendan nodded, standing up. "Ye got yer boxes?"

Stephen nodded, gesturing to the space behind them. There wasn't much, only about three full boxes of stuff. Brendan felt a hand grip his insides, overwhelmed at the sight of them. Without thinking, he pulled Stephen against him, his lips in his hair, inhaling him.

"You're scaring me now, Bren" Stephen said uneasily, trying to pull away only to be pulled in tighter by Brendan.

"Just- just let me a minute" Brendan said, his voice strained. Stephen remained still; wrapping the arm that wasn't trapped between their bodies around Brendan's back, holding him steady.

Brendan pulled away, his fingertips against Stephen's cheek. Stephen opened his mouth to ask something, presumably if anything was wrong, but Brendan swallowed his reply by kissing him hard on the mouth. The kiss only lasted a few seconds because Stephen nudged Brendan gently away, his cheeks flushed red.

"We shouldn't, not here" he said quietly.

Brendan bowed his head, wondering what had come over him. "Course not. Sorry" he muttered.

Stephen looked at him carefully, tilting his head to try and catch a glimpse of Brendan's eyes. "Hey, you don't look so well" he said softly, stroking along Brendan's arm. "Will you be okay to drive?"

"Yeah, yeah" Brendan said absentmindedly. "Actually can we stop off somewhere on the way? Lunch or something?"

Stephen's brow furrowed in confusion. "Sure, if you want to I mean…"

Brendan nodded, bending down to pick up two of Stephen's boxes. Stephen took the last one, following Brendan out to the car.

After saying goodbye to Amy, Mike and the kids, Stephen turned back to Brendan and smiled a little uneasily. Mike nodded at Brendan in understanding, conveying all he wanted to say in that one look. Amy looked between Brendan and her Dad in puzzlement, unable to place what had occurred between them.

Brendan placed his hand at the small of Stephen's back and led him towards the car, his shades firmly back in place. The beginning of the journey was filled with Stephen's inane chatter. He seemed almost nervous, overcompensating for Brendan's silence with his own enthusiasm. When Brendan pulled in to a car park beside a Pub, Stephen fell silent.

Brendan cut the engine off and looked at Stephen through his shades, taking him in. Stephen stared back at him, eerily finding Brendan's eyes even in the darkness of the shades.

"So what is it?" Stephen finally asked, sounding resigned.

"What makes ye think there is something?"

"You're being unnaturally quiet, and you've taken me here" Stephen gestured around them. "What's that all about?"

"Let's go inside" Brendan replied, opening his car door.

Brendan made sure they were given a table in the corner for privacy. After the waitress had taken their drinks order, Brendan fixed Stephen with a steely gaze.

"Ye never told me about yer parents"

Stephen's mouth opened and closed several times, clearly at a loss for what to say.

"Who…?" he eventually asked but then his face set. "Mike"

"I asked" Brendan said, taking a sip of his cider that the waitress had just brought over.

"Why?" Stephen looked down at the table, his expression troubled.

"Because ye would never tell me" Brendan said softly. "And I do think it's something I ought to know about, don't ye?"

"Why?" Stephen asked again, a little more sternly this time. "Would it have made any difference? Poor Ste battered by his Step Dad, batters his girlfriend, is battered by his…" Stephen trailed off, his breath hitching. "I've been stuck in a vicious cycle all of my life and is it so bad that I wanted to forget it all? To put it behind me?"

"It's not bad" Brendan said, desperately wanting to touch Stephen in order to comfort him but not knowing how. "But ye know my past, about my Da, I could have helped ye"

"I figured if you couldn't help yourself…" Stephen began, looking apologetic. "I get things are different now, but when you used to… I just always thought you didn't need another excuse to think I was weak or small, and would just take it"

"I don't think ye are weak, Stephen" Brendan said soberly. "It was never about you, ye know that"

Stephen nodded. "It's not easy understanding you, Bren. I do my best but…"

"I know" Brendan said, bowing his head. Feeling inadequate, Brendan did the only thing he could do, and reached across the table to pat Stephen's hand, once, twice. The last time he had done that was at that bar Stephen had taken him to as a means in which to make them a 'proper couple'. Only this time, Brendan allowed his hand to linger. He gave Stephen's fingers a gentle squeeze before pulling away.

Stephen stared at him, his eyes a little moist with emotion. But he smiled at Brendan, pleased.

The tension eased away after that. Brendan ordered them some chicken wings, restraining himself from eating all of them. It seemed Stephen had the same insatiable appetite that Brendan did and ate his wings with a relish that almost rivalled Brendan's.

Halfway through their meal, Stephen began to laugh uncontrollably. Brendan eyed him with annoyance.

"What is it?"

"Your…food, moustache" Stephen doubled over, having to take a sip of his drink to calm himself.

Brendan glowered at him, wiping his mouth with his napkin. "Ye pain in the arse"

"Oh am I?" Stephen asked suggestively, grinning wickedly.

"Ha ha" Brendan said sarcastically but his lips were twitching with a smile. "I don't know why I let ye out, I honestly don't"

"Let me out?" Stephen said incredulously, laughing harder. "Would you prefer me locked indoors as your personal slave or something?"

"Not what I had in mind" Brendan murmured, his cheeks tinged with red.

Stephen smiled widely, his laugher subsiding into gentle chuckles.

"I like it when ye laugh" Brendan said without thinking. "And when ye smile" he reached across to smooth his finger over Stephen's bottom lip. "Beautiful" he murmured.

"Can we go home now?" Stephen asked huskily, his amusement lost as quickly as it was gained.

Brendan nodded, putting some money on the table and ignoring Stephen's protests. He led him swiftly out of the Pub back to the car, fumbling with his keys for a moment and then dropping them altogether.

"Fuck it" he said, and pounced on Stephen.

"Bren!" Stephen protested, Brendan's body engulfing his own.

"I'll be subtle" Brendan promised, kissing along Stephen's neck.

"People could see…" Stephen argued, already aware it was futile.

Brendan grappled with his buckle. "I can't wait" he said gruffly.

"Okay" Stephen agreed, hastily undoing his own trousers.

It was awkward and frantic but Brendan could feel the exhilaration pumping through his body, seeping into Stephen's own as Brendan wrapped himself around the smaller man; shielding him from view if anyone should happen to walk past. It was one thing to be caught having sex in a car, but quite another for Brendan to allow anyone else to see_ his_ Stephen in this manner. It wouldn't do. Brendan wouldn't allow it.

He practically growled with desire as he came, having to restrain himself from collapsing on top of Stephen and crushing him. Instead he pulled him up and against his chest, Stephen's legs still wrapped around Brendan's waist. They were breathing heavily, sweat and exertion evident all over their bodies.

"Worth the risk?" Brendan asked eventually, still holding Stephen securely against him.

"Always, with you" Stephen agreed, his head falling against Brendan's chest, exhausted.

"Let's get ye home" Brendan said quietly, smiling to himself in satisfaction.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Brendan didn't sleep that night. He sat beside his bed watching Stephen sleep, studying every one of his movements. Stephen shifted a lot in his sleep and he mumbled things. Brendan felt quite natural doing this; when the boys had been little he had often watched over them as they slept, especially when they were ill. Clearly it held a different meaning with Stephen but the sentiment was the same. Brendan felt like a failure; he had failed to protect Stephen from something truly awful and worse still, had contributed to his already omnipresent misery.

He wasn't even sure what he could have done, had he been there. Stephen had only been a boy; it wouldn't have been in Brendan's power to protect him, he hadn't even known him then. It angered Brendan that no one else had helped him. He was certain that Amy knew about it and he was sorely tempted to discuss it with her, if she would let him. Brendan nodded to himself; that was what he would do. He would speak to Amy, find out more. Even if she told him to get lost it would ease the guilt in Brendan's heart, or maybe it wouldn't.

Brendan began to think more of Amy, and everything Stephen had done to her. Had it all been related? Stephen had said it himself "_battered by his Step Dad, batters his girlfriend, is battered by his…"_ By his what? What was Brendan to Stephen anyway? What could they possibly be to each other in a world where Brendan was certain their love was wrong, impure? He knew that not everyone shared his belief and it confused him. Stephen certainly didn't think there was anything wrong with the two of them, but then how could he? After the life he had led?

Brendan didn't like dwelling on such thoughts. Something deep inside of him told him he was wrong, but he had been brought up this way. It wasn't easy to shake such deep-rooted beliefs. He wanted to try and make this okay, for Stephen's sake. He would ignore his demons; focus on making Stephen happy. That was all he could do right now. He just hoped that it would be enough.

xxx

Ste woke up the next morning to an empty bed. He hadn't slept very well; something was agitating him, even in sleep. He had the strangest feeling that Brendan hadn't joined him in bed all night. He wondered if that was what had made his sleep so uneasy.

Swinging his legs out of bed, Ste padded out of the room towards the kitchen. No one was there. Sighing, he rifled through the cupboards searching for cereal. All out. Ste groaned, walking to the fridge. No bread for toast. He was just about to trek to the pub for some breakfast when Brendan walked in with a shopping bag.

"There you are" Ste said, walking towards him. He felt underdressed; Brendan was in his sharpest suit, dark and svelte. Ste, in contrast, was in a white t-shirt and boxers. He rarely wore pyjamas to bed and neither did Brendan. Most of the time they just fell asleep as they were, which was often naked considering what they got up to.

Brendan held up the shopping bag. "Breakfast" he said plainly, moving towards the kitchen. He kissed Ste lightly on the lips in greeting.

"When did you wake up?" Ste asked suspiciously.

Brendan shrugged. "Early"

Ste wasn't convinced. He helped Brendan put the shopping away, looking him over as he did so. He didn't look tired; in fact he looked quite well groomed.

"Did you shave?" Ste asked suddenly.

"Yeah, why?"

Ste glanced at the clock. "It's only eight. You must have been up ages…"

Brendan wasn't looking at him. "And?"

"Well we went to bed past one" Ste said, frowning.

"I don't need that much sleep, Stephen" Brendan said calmly. "Make us some breakfast, yeah? I have a few calls to make"

"To who?" Ste asked in confusion.

Brendan tapped Ste's nose. "Nothing for ye to worry about"

Ste watched him walk to his bedroom and close the door after him. He didn't like this. Something wasn't right.

All the same, he made them scrambled eggs on toast, glancing at the bedroom every now and again. Feeling frustrated, Ste pressed his ear against the door, attempting to listen in. There was only silence. The door opened suddenly, almost making Ste topple to the ground. Instead he fell straight into Brendan's arms.

"Someone's keen" Brendan said in amusement.

"Breakfast's ready" Ste mumbled, straightening himself up.

Brendan nodded, looking pleased with himself. He ate his breakfast with relish, finishing up more quickly than Ste and rising from his seat almost immediately after he was finished.

"Where are you going?" Ste asked, annoyed.

"I have business to attend to. I'll see ye at work later, yeah?"

"Yeah, okay" Ste grumbled, folding his arms across his chest. Brendan kissed the top of his head and left swiftly.

It wasn't fair for Brendan to be keeping secrets. It made Ste feel incredibly uneasy and anxious. What could he possibly be hiding?

xxx

Brendan pulled up outside Mike's place, switching off the engine. He had called Amy earlier to let her know he was coming. She hadn't been best pleased but Brendan had stressed the fact that it was to do with Stephen, so she had relented.

He walked up to the front door, smoothing down his suit in the process. He knocked purposefully, his hands dormant behind his back. Amy answered the door with Lucas at her heels.

"You're early" she accused, stepping aside to let him come in.

"Sorry. Didn't want Stephen getting suspicious"

Amy gave him a disapproving look. "You should tell him the truth. I won't lie to him for you"

"I know, I don't expect ye to" Brendan said, taking a seat. "I'll tell him"

"Good" Amy said, giving him a hard look. "Lucas, why don't you go and play over there a minute? Mummy needs to talk with Brendan" her face was softer when she spoke to her son and Brendan couldn't help but admire her.

"Thanks for seeing me" Brendan said, feeling a little awkward.

"I didn't have much choice, did I?" Amy said tersely.

Brendan nodded. "I suppose not. But hear me out, yeah?"

Amy nodded, looking stern. Brendan could tell by the look in her eyes that she was curious however.

"Go on then" she pressed, folding her arms.

"Yer Dad spoke to me yesterday about…about Stephen"

Amy's expression was blank. "About what exactly?"

"His Step Dad"

Amy's face froze. "He didn't have the right to…"

Brendan cut her off. "It's fine. Stephen's fine with it. Just I wanted to… I wanted to know more about it"

Amy gave Brendan an incredulous look. "What do you want, tips?"

Brendan flinched visibly at Amy's words, causing her to look momentarily apologetic.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, not really" she sighed. "What do you want to know?"

"How long did it go on for? Why did he… why did no one stop him?" Brendan felt his questions come out in a rush. He smoothed his moustache down in agitation.

Amy looked at him in some pity. "It went on for a few years; his Mum was too scared to do anything about it. He was absolutely brutal, beat the living hell out of Ste" Amy shuddered and closed her eyes.

"Ye…ye saw him? Saw him do it?" Brendan hadn't been expecting this.

"Yeah, I saw him" Amy looked Brendan squarely in the eyes. "I saw him beat Ste like he was nothing, no remorse, nothing. Dead behind the eyes"

"I'm not-" Brendan shook his head. "I'm sorry. That's, well it's awful"

"Of course it is" Amy said sharply. "That boy has been through a lot and so have I" Amy tugged at her hair self-consciously.

"So have I" Brendan said very quietly. He didn't know what had made him say it but it had stunned Amy into silence.

"You have…?" Amy asked in wonderment. "Who?"

"My Da" Brendan said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "He used to spar with me when I was a boy. It made me want to fight back, no matter what. The power of it…" Brendan shook his head, recoiling within himself in revulsion. "I shouldn't have come here, this was a mistake" he rose swiftly from his chair towards the door.

"Brendan, wait" Amy said, a little more kindly. She placed her hand on his arm. "All of us have suffered and I for one want the suffering to end. I want us all to have a happy ending"

Brendan snorted. "Doesn't exist"

Amy gave him a hard look. "You take one look at Ste and you tell me that again"

Brendan faltered, his head bowed. "I do love him" he said very softly. "But how can I…how can I be enough?"

Amy sighed. "Relationships go both ways, Brendan. You have to be there for each other, the good and the bad. You just need to talk to him like you just did to me"

"It's not easy" Brendan murmured.

"Nothing that's worth having ever is" Amy said. "And Ste's worth having isn't he?"

"Of course he is" Brendan said sharply.

"Exactly. You just need to let him know that"

Brendan nodded, at a loss for what to say. "Thank ye, Amy"

"You're welcome"

Brendan placed his hand on the door handle but Amy had one more thing to say.

"Come back to me again, to talk" she said softly. "I've helped Ste a lot over the years, I can help you too"

Brendan looked back at her in surprise. "I'm not worth it"

"Maybe, maybe not. But Ste is" Amy said resolutely. "So please, do"

Brendan nodded in agreement. "Okay" he said faintly.

When he went back to his car, Brendan could only rest his head against the steering wheel in frustration. He didn't feel any better. He wasn't stupid, he knew that speaking to Amy wouldn't magically cure all of his problems, but he at least thought it would quieten the small voice in his mind which told him that Stephen deserved better, and he should walk away from him. He just couldn't. He'd tried so many times to, but if Stephen wasn't the one returning to him it was Brendan doing the chasing. They were both a glutton for punishment.

Inseparable. Brendan didn't believe that would ever change, and he wasn't even sure that he wanted it to.

Turning on the engine, Brendan took a deep breath and steeled himself to return to the village, and speak to Stephen. But there was another thought swirling through his mind, a hazy kind of anger that he tried to quieten. There was another way to settle this, to make Brendan feel a tiny bit better. To avenge everything Stephen had been through. Brendan was left with a choice: return to the village, or seek out the man that had begun Stephen's misery. After all, Brendan was tired of blaming himself and if he could for one moment re-direct his resentment and guilt, he thought that he could ease some of that pain. But even as he drove away from the house, he wondered which path to take.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Ste moved the crates around in the cellar with a little more force than was necessary. He hadn't heard from Brendan all day and he was worried and upset. He didn't know what was going on but he was certain it was nothing good. When Brendan eventually turned up at work in the late afternoon, Ste didn't stick around to hear his excuses and instead told Cheryl he was taking his break.

It wasn't long until Ste heard those familiar footsteps behind him. Brendan had become steadily less subtle lately; back at the start of their relationship he had played his cards close to his chest but as things had progressed he had become more obvious about his feelings. Today was no exception.

"Stephen!" he called after him, practically jogging to keep up. "Stop a minute, please?"

"Why should I?" Ste retorted, unable to keep the shake out of his voice. "I've been calling you all day, where were you?"

"I had things… things to sort out"

Ste whirled on him. "What things?"

Brendan hesitated. "I, uh-"

"Don't bother" Ste said scathingly, continuing to walk. Brendan grabbed his arm but Ste shook him off. "Don't"

"Just stop and listen a minute will ye! I went to see Amy"

Ste paused, causing Brendan to barrel into him unexpectedly. Brendan's arm wrapped around Ste's chest reflexively, holding them steady.

"I'm sorry" Brendan said into his ear. "I should have said"

Ste turned around to face him. "Is something wrong? Are Amy and the kids okay?" He asked, panicked.

"They're fine" Brendan reassured him quickly, his hand lingered at Ste's sleeve as though afraid he might run off again. "Can we talk? In private?"

Ste nodded slowly. Brendan gave him a brief smile and took his wrist, pulling him in the direction of the skate park.

Brendan didn't speak for several minutes. Ste was twitching anxiously, keen to speak and yet afraid of what might be said. Eventually the tension between them became such a suffocating weight that Ste had to say something.

"Brendan" he blurted. "Will you _talk?_"

Brendan turned to face him, his expression puzzled. "Was we not?"

Ste stared at him as though he were mad. "No! We weren't" he crossed his arms. "So _please_…"

"Alright" Brendan said, sighing. Again he was silent.

"Why were you at Amy's?" Ste finally asked, breathing deeply through his nose. His anger management counsellor had always said it was a good way to calm down.

Brendan's fingers tangled in his dark hair. "I needed to speak with her"

"About?" Ste pressed.

Brendan gave him a look. "Take a guess"

Ste stared at Brendan uncomprehendingly. "Why?"

"After what Mike said-"

"Oh, Bren!" Ste huffed out a breath of air, feeling oddly relieved. "Is that all? You had me really worried!"

Brendan looked at him sharply. "This is serious, Stephen"

"Uh…" Ste stared blankly back at him. "How exactly?"

"Yer Step Dad, he never…" Brendan trailed off, apparently lost in thought. "No one ever did anything about him"

Ste shifted uncomfortably. "Wasn't really their fight" he mumbled.

"It wasn't yers either, ye were only a boy" Brendan ran a hand over his face. "My Da was the same…it stays with ye, doesn't it?"

Ste tentatively reached out his hand, placing it on Brendan's arm. "Of course. But it's in the past, yeah? You live and learn"

"Do ye?" Brendan sounded sad. Ste gripped his arm more tightly.

"Yes, it takes time but you get there. The amount of times Amy's had to spur me on-"

"Top girl" Brendan murmured. Ste glanced at him in surprise.

"I'm glad you two are getting along better"

Brendan nodded, saying nothing. Ste removed his hand from his arm, feeling awkward.

"Maybe we should go back to work?" Ste suggested uneasily. He could tell that something was still bothering Brendan but he didn't want to press him too hard.

"Mmm" Brendan replied, non-committal.

Ste stood up carefully. It was only when he moved to walk away that Brendan snapped back to reality.

"Where does he live?" He asked suddenly.

"What? Who?"

"Terry" Brendan said the name as though bile was rising in his throat.

Ste shrugged, his palms beginning to sweat. "I don't know, don't keep in touch"

"Thought so" Brendan nodded as if to himself.

Ste hovered on the spot for a few moments. "I'll, um, see you later"

He walked away feeling dazed and confused. Brendan seemed so…out of it. Ste didn't know what to do for the best. He wondered if he should tell Cheryl or whether she would simply make a fuss. Several steps behind him he heard Brendan following. Ste glanced behind; Brendan wasn't watching his back but the ground instead. He looked a little lost.

Ste frowned, stopping still. There was something more to this but he hadn't worked out what yet.

"Brendan?" He called out behind him.

Brendan looked up, his eyes sad. "Hm?"

"Why don't you go home? I'll say something to Cheryl"

Brendan stared at him blankly for a moment. "Alright" he turned on his heel and departed. Ste sighed, watching him leave.

He decided not to say anything to Cheryl in the end; merely telling her that Brendan wasn't very well and Ste had told him to go home and sleep it off. Cheryl had patted his hand, her smile warm.

"You're so good to him"

As she walked away Ste felt even more ill at ease. He glanced at the clock every few minutes, willing it to be the end of his shift so that he could go home and check on Brendan. He was beginning to regret letting him out of his sight. When seven o'clock finally arrived, Ste left hurriedly, not even changing out of his uniform first.

He arrived home to a chillingly quiet house. The lights were off except for a small slant of light coming out of the closed bedroom door. Ste approached it, the hairs on the back of his neck standing erect in his anxiety. He didn't know what he expected to find; Brendan in a drunken state? An empty room?

He certainly wasn't expecting to see Brendan sprawled out on the bed, a small space empty next to him as though expecting Ste to slot beside him when he returned home. He was fast asleep and yet he still looked exhausted even in rest. Ste considered the fact that Brendan hadn't slept very well the last few nights; perhaps that's all it had been after all, sleep deprivation. Ste struggled to convince himself of that.

Ste took a quick shower and had a small snack, returning to the room to see if Brendan had awoken. No such luck. With a small resigned sigh, Ste perched on the edge of the bed, sliding himself beneath the covers and resting his back against Brendan's chest. Brendan mumbled something in his sleep and slung his arm across Ste's waist. His breathing evened out a little after that as though he was more relaxed knowing that Ste was here. Ste entwined their fingers together, closing his eyes and willing sleep to claim him, if nothing else but to reassure the man behind him.

Ste drifted off for a few hours, waking up when Cheryl returned home. He eased himself slowly out of Brendan's arms, padding silently to the kitchen.

"Hey" he said softly to Cheryl. "Bren's asleep" he gestured to their bedroom door.

Cheryl nodded, mimicking zipping her lips shut. She made her way to the sofa in the living room, inviting Ste to join her. Ste immediately curled up against her side, startling Cheryl.

"What's wrong, love?" She asked in concern.

"Something isn't right" Ste mumbled.

"With our Bren?"

Ste nodded against her. Cheryl sighed, wrapping her arms around Ste.

"He's probably just in one of his moods, I wouldn't worry too much"

Ste said nothing, trying to believe in Cheryl's words but failing to do so adequately.

"Why don't you stick the telly on? I'll make us some hot chocolate, yeah?" Cheryl said kindly, moving out of Ste's embrace.

Cheryl returned with two steaming mugs, settling herself back down and pulling Ste towards her once more. They watched television for a while, not speaking. Sometime later, the bedroom door creaked open. Both of them turned round to stare at Brendan, whose hair was ruffled and his eyes faintly wild in their intensity.

"What's going on?" He asked, throwing himself into an armchair.

"Just keeping Ste company" Cheryl said gently. "I'm quite tired though, I'll leave you to it" she smiled encouragingly at Ste who smiled weakly back.

Once she was out of the room, Ste wordlessly made his way over to Brendan and sat on his lap, curling his arms around his neck. Brendan held him tightly, his nose buried into Ste's neck.

"Will you tell me?" Ste asked croakily, pulling away to look at Brendan's face.

Brendan looked at him, his eyes dark with hidden shadows. "Tomorrow" he said wearily.

Ste nodded, accepting that it was a little late to discuss it tonight. He wondered if Brendan wanted to go to bed but was proved wrong when Brendan stood up with Ste's legs wrapped around his waist, and carried him to the sofa. He laid him down and climbed on top of him, kissing along his jaw and neck. Ste's hands fisted Brendan's shirt, tugging it up to expose the flesh of his stomach. Ste trailed his fingers along the hair there as Brendan moved his hand to cup Ste beneath his trousers.

They undressed languorously. Brendan cupped Ste's face as he pleasured him, taking his sweet time in preparing him. It was only when Ste whimpered in need that Brendan positioned himself, slipping himself inside and groaning as though it were the best feeling in the world. Ste met each of Brendan's thrusts with his own rocking motion of the hips, desperately wanting to keep Brendan in the moment and not allow him to drift into darker thoughts.

The climax was sweet and heady and seemed to carry on for a few moments afterwards. Afterwards, Brendan wordlessly cleaned them both up and half-carried Ste back to their bedroom. Ste fell asleep easily after that, Brendan's strong arms wrapped around him possessively.

When morning came, Brendan was gone.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

Ste rose from the bed silently and calmly pulled his clothes on from the night before. He padded out to the kitchen, glanced around for Cheryl who wasn't present, and walked straight out of the front door without a moment's hesitation. If Brendan was going to run off without warning and expect Ste to do absolutely nothing about it then he didn't know Ste very well at all.

Ste's first port of call was the club. It was entirely possible that Brendan had slipped out early. Ste walked up the stairs, wondering idly how messed up he must look and not particularly caring. Cheryl was just coming out of the office when Ste came into view. She looked him over in some surprise, her smile fading when she saw the look on his face.

"What is it, love?" She asked hastily, rushing towards him. "Is it Bren? Is he okay?"

Ste shrugged, almost sinking to the floor with the weight of the situation pressing heavily upon him.

"I don't know where he is, Chez. I woke up and he was gone. He wouldn't just take off like this for no reason" Ste put his head in his hands in some despair.

Cheryl wrapped an arm around him, ushering him to a nearby chair.

"Start from the beginning" Cheryl told him kindly. "Did he maybe go upstairs for something?"

Ste shook his head numbly. "It was silence everywhere"

"I don't understand why he would leave..." Cheryl trailed off, frowning. "Are you sure he isn't running an errand somewhere?"

"He always leaves a note" Ste said glumly.

"Have you tried Amy?"

Ste looked at her in confusion. "Would he go there?"

"He did yesterday, didn't he?"

Ste took his mobile out, flicking through to Amy's number. "Ames? Hey, quick question. Is Brendan with you?"

"No. Why would he be?" Amy said, astonished. "Is something wrong?"

"I can't find him" Ste said, his voice breaking.

"Oh, Ste what's happened? Is this about Terry? Has Brendan gone off on one?"

Ste froze, his eyes widening. "He was asking you about Terry, he asked me if I knew where he lived..."

"But you don't know, do you?" Amy asked, her tone rising in mild panic. Cheryl was looking at Ste with a firm set to her mouth.

"I said I didn't, no. But how hard can it be to find out?"

"It'll take some research..."

Ste bit his fingernail in agitation. "It makes the most sense. He wasn't right yesterday, something's very wrong"

"You don't think he's gone after him? Why would he do that? What would it achieve?"

"Find someone to blame, ease some of his own suffering..." Cheryl was looking distinctly alarmed now. "Look, I'll try and find out where they live and then I don't know..."

"Ste you can't go there!" Amy said, panicked.

"I won't go alone, promise" Ste looked at Cheryl soberly. "I better go, let me know if you hear anything"

"Of course"

Ste hung up the phone, not taking his eyes off of Cheryl. "I'm seriously worried now, Chez"

Cheryl, positive as ever, attempted to reassure him. "We might be jumping the gun a bit, love. Chances are he's gone out and forgotten a note! Try calling him"

Ste, looking sceptical, did as he was told. No answer. He tried again, and again. He decided to leave a voicemail message.

"Brendan. If you get this please call me. I'm really worried. Where are you? What are you doing? Please just, don't do anything stupid..."

Ste hung up, feeling more tense than ever. "I can't just sit around waiting" He jumped out of his seat, pacing around the club. "I need to find Terry, just in case"

"Is that wise?" Cheryl asked, placing a hand on Ste's arm.

"It's my only option right now" Ste said, shrugging.

"Let me help you" Cheryl said evenly, leading Ste towards the office. "There's a phonebook in the top drawer"

It didn't take long to find two Terry Hay's. Ste guessed which one was his Step Dad due to the location of the area code.

"They didn't even move" Ste muttered to himself. "Let's go"

"Ste, are you sure about this?" Cheryl asked him seriously.

"It's Brendan, of course I'm sure. I'm not letting him get himself into trouble on my account, no chance"

Cheryl nodded. "I'll call us a cab"

xxx

Brendan wandered up and down the street aimlessly. He knew where he needed to go but the real question was why was he even here? Would confronting Terry Hay solve anything? Would it make him feel better? Would it redeem him in Stephen's eyes? Brendan wasn't convinced and yet he had come here anyway, seeking something but not completely sure what.

He stared at the house in question; taking in its grubby appearance, its unkempt attitude. It reminded Brendan a little of Stephen's old flat, a sobering thought. He had waited here now for at least an hour and no one had emerged. What did he expect? Terry to rise bright and early and strut off to work? Not likely. He was probably going to wake up late, demand some breakfast and then saunter down to the job centre for his benefits. Brendan knew the type. It was one of the reasons he respected Stephen so much. Him and Amy had next to nothing and yet Stephen worked all of the hours under the sun to provide for them, even going as far as moving away from them and back to his troublesome ex just to put food on their table.

Brendan suddenly felt very ashamed of himself. He resolved to go home, apologise to Stephen, when he saw some movement from the house in question. A man emerged, looking as pathetic as Brendan had anticipated. He was putting the bins out but he didn't look too happy about it. Brendan watched him carefully, rooted to the spot with unease. Eventually he looked up, scanning the area around him. His face was drawn, his eyes expressionless and haunted. Brendan felt nothing but contempt for him. It was men like this who began the cycle; the cycle of abuse, of pain and suffering. And yet seeing him only filled Brendan with even more regret. He was no better than this man, not really. He had beaten Stephen, he had manipulated him, he had treated him like he was nothing on more than one occasion. Who was he to search for redemption? For temporary relief? And how could he hurt Stephen in this way, leave him open to more potential abuse if Terry got wind of who Brendan was?

Brendan turned around swiftly, resolving to leave this behind him. Only he collided with another body, the scent of him engulfing him. He knew him immediately.

"Stephen" he said regretfully.

"What do you think you're playing at?" Stephen raged, grabbing Brendan's arm. "What are you doing here?"

"I...I'm sorry, it was a mistake"

"Too right it was a mistake! What did you think this would achieve, eh? Are you trying to hurt me or something?"

"Of course not" Brendan said sharply, looking uneasily over his shoulder. "Let's discuss this elsewhere, yeah?"

Stephen's eyes drifted behind Brendan's back. The expression on his face made Brendan feel infinitely worse. At first Stephen looked shocked, frightened. But then his back stiffened, his eyes narrowed, his jaw set. He was strong, he wasn't going to let Terry win anymore, wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of evoking fear through one glance. Stephen turned his eyes to Brendan and for a moment Brendan saw the same haunted expression that he had seen in Terry Hay's eyes.

He reached out to touch Stephen but he shook him away, turning his back on Brendan and stalking off, unreachable. Brendan could only stare after him, stunned and appalled at himself. Cheryl stood at a distance, shaking her head at him in pity.

He had really blown it this time. Just when things had started to get better, and it looked as though they actually had a future, Brendan had to do this. He hated himself for it, and he knew it would be a long process in gaining Stephen's trust once more. He just needed to speak to him first.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Brendan sat alone on his bed, his hands splayed out in front of him. Stephen was gone. They had talked all night; when the sun had rose and they were both exhausted, their voices raspy from talking so much, Stephen had fallen asleep against Brendan's shoulder. Brendan had held him for hours, knowing that it was the last time he would be able to for some time.

It wasn't the end, Stephen had said. He just needed some space. Everything between them since Stephen had returned had happened too fast, apparently. He needed time. Brendan had twitched at that, unsure whether he would be able to comply with Stephen's wishes. He wanted him to be happy, more than anything, but he knew the deep longing he felt for the lad and he wondered whether he would be able to sufficiently keep away.

Declan was arriving today, which helped matters. At least Brendan wouldn't be able to brood all day. Cheryl had already warned him not to ruin Declan's short visit. They drove to pick him up at the airport; Brendan could tell that Cheryl wanted to say something, the way she kept opening and closing her mouth. Eventually Brendan sighed and turned to her.

"Spit it out" he said. Cheryl looked startled.

"What?" She asked, feigning ignorance.

"Ye have got something to say, so say it"

Cheryl hesitated. "When is Ste coming back?"

Brendan stiffened. "I don't know"

"But he is coming back, right?"

"I don't know" Brendan said again.

"How could you do this, Bren?" Cheryl asked, exasperated. "Everything was going so well!"

"Don't ye think I know that?" Brendan said through gritted teeth. "It was a moment of weakness…"

"Well you can't afford to do that with a bloke like Ste!" Cheryl scolded him. "You two have been through it all, it's about time you both stood up and said how you really feel"

"I did that" Brendan said shortly.

"And?"

"And nothing. He left"

"Well then, you're going to have to win him back aren't you?"

Brendan said nothing. Instead he looked straight ahead at the road.

"Are you listening to me?" Cheryl pressed.

"Yes" Brendan said shortly. "Can we forget it now? Please? While Declan's here…"

"Fine" Cheryl said, annoyed. "He's going to have questions himself though"

Brendan turned to look at her. "Ye think?"

"Well yes, Ste was living with us when he was last here"

"I know that" Brendan said, feeling agitated.

"He likes him a lot"

"Chez, please"

"Alright"

They continued in silence to the airport. When Declan came through the gate, for one moment the tightness in Brendan's chest eased. He embraced his son with fatherly delight and led him towards the exit, Declan's bag flung over his shoulder. Cheryl pottered along in her heels behind them, shooting Brendan looks which he ignored.

Arriving home, Brendan went immediately upstairs to put Declan's bag in his room. He passed by the room that was supposed to have been Stephen's and paused. The bed was neat, as though no one had slept in it. And really, Stephen only had a few times. Brendan had had everything he wanted and he had lost it. The thought made him frown and recoil a little inside himself. He had to pull it together for Declan's sake, and say nothing.

Except having a curious teenage son wasn't something Brendan could prevent. It was only a matter of time until Declan asked where Stephen was. They were sitting at dinner together, one chair notably absent. Brendan's eyes kept being drawn there and eventually Declan noticed.

"Is Ste not joining us?" He asked casually, glancing from Cheryl, who paused mid bite, to Brendan who froze in equal measure.

He opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. Cheryl sighed, looking at him in pity.

"Ste's gone to visit his kids, love"

Declan nodded, still looking a little uncertain. "Does he get on well with their Mum?"

Cheryl looked surprised. "Well, yes. They're very good friends" she smiled, attempting to disguise her unease.

"You and Ma" Declan said, addressing Brendan. "You get on well too now, right?"

Brendan stared uncomprehendingly at Declan. "Yeah, but what has that got to do with-"

"Well, considering you and Ste are both gay I thought-"

"What?" Brendan stood up abruptly in alarm. "What are ye talking about?"

Declan smiled a little, looking pleased with himself. "I'm not an idiot, Da. I know you and Ste are a couple"

"W-what? We're _what?__"_ Brendan stuttered. "Who told ye this?"

"No one told me" Declan said easily. "I worked that out for myself" he looked infinitely proud of himself.

"I, I…" Brendan was lost for words. He sat back down, probably looking as gormless as he felt. Cheryl was attempting to hide a smile behind her hand.

"You're wrong about one thing, Dec" she told him gently. "They aren't together anymore, Brendan messed it up"

"Da!" Declan scolded. "What did you do that for? Ste's brilliant!"

"I need to lie down" Brendan said suddenly, stumbling out of the room.

Declan followed him a few minutes later, leaning against the doorframe.

"I'm not a kid anymore. I understand more than you think"

"Too much" Brendan murmured, rising to a seated position. He lowered his head to his hands. "How long have ye known?"

"I've suspected for a while" Declan said, sitting on the bed beside him. "But coming here and seeing the two of you…well, it was fairly obvious"

"I can't, I'm not… I'm not…" Brendan shook his head, barely able to speak.

"You're gay, Dad. I don't care. You're you, and you're actually a pretty good Dad"

Brendan looked at him, hardly believing what he was hearing.

"All I know is I've never seen you happier than when Ste was with you" Declan said thoughtfully. "And if someone makes you that happy, why shouldn't you be with them?"

"It isn't that simple" Brendan mumbled.

"But it is" Declan said reasonably. "I might not have experienced what you have yet but even I can see what you and Ste have is worth fighting for. Am I right?"

Declan stared into Brendan's eyes, a small smile on his lips. Brendan found himself smiling back in spite of himself. "How did I raise such a smart kid, eh?"

Declan shrugged. "Good genes? Or maybe I'm just cleverer than you"

Brendan gave him an affectionate shove. "Don't push it" he said good-naturedly.

"So, are you going to speak to Ste?" Declan pressed, raising his eyebrows. "I kinda want him around"

"And I don't?" Brendan countered. He sighed heavily. "I'm giving him space; it's what he needs…"

"Is it what you need though?" Declan asked.

"No but I've done the chasing thing before and it only leads to…" Brendan paused, contemplative.

"I think you've answered yourself there" Declan said, laughing. "Just say you want to talk, that's all"

Brendan nodded. "That could work…"

"Of course it will" Declan said brightly. "Brady charm works every time" he winked at Brendan, who managed a small smile.

"Thank ye, Son"

"For what?"

"For…ye know, understanding"

"There's nothing to understand" Declan said reasonably. "I just want you to be happy"

Brendan looked to the ceiling, wondering if such a thing were possible.

"Yeah…yeah, me too"

xxx

Ste was miserable. He had left Brendan's with great difficulty, hardly finding the strength to leave him at all. But he was so _angry._He didn't know what to do with it, where to direct it. He knew that Brendan had his best interests at heart but he just wished he would have talked to him instead of doing what he does best and overreacting.

Ste was frustrated because things had been going so well. And now here he was, back in a dingy flat that Amy and the kids had only just moved in to, and he felt as though he were back at the start all over again. Amy had spoken to him several times, attempted to get the full story out of him. All Ste could say at first was that Brendan had let him down again. Instead of kicking off and telling Ste she told him so, Amy had sat quietly, deep in her own thoughts.

"About Terry?" She asked calmly.

"He went to see him"

"And what happened?"

"He decided against going up to him, turned back and that's when I showed up"

"He told you this?"

"It was pretty obvious that was the case anyway" Ste said.

Amy frowned a little. "So instead of reverting to his natural instincts and beating the life out of Terry, he stopped and walked away from it?"

Ste hadn't quite thought of it that way. "I guess so… are you defending him?" He asked incredulously.

Amy shrugged. "Not exactly. Just saying he might have actually grown a little" She sounded just as surprised as Ste felt at her words. "Perhaps you ought to hear him out"

Ste looked at her in disbelief. "Seriously? Coming from you?"

Amy nodded, a small smile on her lips. "He has changed, I can see that. And he makes you happy, doesn't he? And look at you right now, you aren't happy"

Ste turned his face away, ashamed.

"I'm not saying forgive him instantly, or even take him back. All I'm saying is for your own sanity and I imagine his as well, talk it out. He might even surprise you"

Ste stared at Amy for several moments. "You are right…"

"Aren't I always?" Amy said cheerfully.

"Maybe" Ste answered, smiling a little.

"There's that smile" Amy pointed out. "Now make it count, talk to Brendan"

Ste nodded, heaving a deep sigh.

And now here he was, staring at the front door, wanting to go out and find Brendan, speak to him. But he couldn't. He was scared and confused and wanted all of this to just go away. But it wouldn't, not until he faced things head on. He stood up determinedly, pulling on his jacket and reaching for the door. He opened it wide and there stood in front of him, his hand raised to knock, was Brendan.

"Oh" Ste said weakly.

Brendan lowered his hand. "Stephen" he said in surprise. "Going somewhere?"

"I was…coming to see you actually" Ste said, blushing a little.

"Really?" Brendan sounded so hopeful; it tore at Ste's heart.

"Yes" he said, barely able to keep the shake out of his voice.

Brendan nodded as if to himself. "Can I come in?"


	19. Chapter Nineteen

A/N: One more chapter after this one! Hope you all like it :)

Chapter Nineteen

"Of course" Stephen said, stepping to the side.

When the door shut behind Brendan, the two of them stood awkwardly in front of each other for several moments.

"The place is…nice" Brendan said lamely.

"Um yeah" Stephen said, glancing around at all of the boxes littered everywhere. He looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"What?" Brendan asked, affronted.

"Are you making small talk? Really?" Stephen was outwardly grinning now.

Brendan rolled his eyes. "Can't do right for doing wrong with ye, can I?"

Stephen shrugged, still smiling. "Just amused me, that's all"

Brendan sighed, walking further into the flat. He sat on the sofa, Stephen joining him moments later. There was silence. Brendan didn't know where to begin.

Stephen broke the silence first. "Thanks for coming round, saved me traipsing off to find you…"

Brendan coughed awkwardly. "No problem" he glanced briefly at Stephen. "Why did ye, ah, want to find me anyway?"

Stephen blushed visibly. "I was talking to Amy…"

Brendan contained himself from groaning out loud. "Yeah?"

"And she said I should hear you out…"

Brendan's eyes widened in surprise. "She did? Really?"

Stephen laughed lightly. "I was surprised too. I guess your chats together have done some good"

"Guess so" Brendan said quietly.

They were quiet once more. Brendan found himself wanting to reach out to Stephen somehow. Having him so close and not being able to touch him… When they weren't together properly, Brendan could just about contain himself. But since they had been together all this time, he had grown accustomed to holding him whenever he pleased. Brendan began to feel that familiar ache of having Stephen so close and yet not being near him at all. It was somehow worse than when Stephen had left him all those months because at least then he could tell himself Stephen had moved on and there was no hope, no matter how resolute Brendan had been over it. Now he didn't know what to think. The fact that Stephen had wanted to find him had given him a sense of hope, and yet that was dangerous territory because Brendan had been let down his entire life, as well as letting people down himself. It never did do any good to hope, in his opinion.

"Bren…" Stephen began quietly. "What did you come here for?"

Brendan stared at his hands, gathering his strength. "I came to apologise"

Stephen's breath caught in his throat. He didn't respond so Brendan continued.

"Except, it's not really an apology. I'm sorry for hurting ye, for keeping something from ye. But I'm not sorry for wanting to go after Terry. It was wrong, and it was stupid but ye have to know that I'll never be able to sit back and allow someone to hurt ye. I count myself in that as well because even though I swore I'd never lay a finger on ye again, knowing what Terry did, feeling some kind of likeness between us, repulsed me more than anything ever has in my life. And trust me, Stephen, there have been worse situations. But the idea of ye suffering, and me doing nothing. No. That's unforgivable" Brendan took a deep breath, wiping at the moisture in his eyes. "I'll never be perfect. I'll never be everything ye want me to be, but I'm yours, if ye want me. And just know that I'll never do anything to hurt ye ever again. And if ye decide to forget me, that's okay too because I've learnt that even if I can't have ye, that doesn't mean ye shouldn't be happy"

Brendan shuddered a little, clasping his hands together in agitation. "I do love ye. Always will"

Stephen's silence was disconcerting. Unable to restrain himself much longer, Brendan turned to look at him. He was appalled to see tears falling down Stephen's cheeks.

"No, no. Don't cry, Stephen. Not over me, not again" He did the only thing he could and pulled Stephen against his body, his arms wrapped around him.

"I'm sorry it's just so much…" Stephen sniffled a little. He pushed at Brendan. "How could you be so stupid and sweet at the same time? It's so frustrating!"

Brendan breathed out a sigh of relief. "Ye know me, Stephen…" he smiled a little, holding Stephen tighter.

Stephen pulled away slightly to look into Brendan's face. "Do you know why I was so upset? It wasn't because you lied, or because you wanted to go after Terry. It was because your immediate answer was violence, and it shouldn't be. Trust me, Bren, I know how it feels when everything and everyone is pushing on you and all you want to do is lash out at something. But it isn't the way; _we_have to be stronger than that, better than that. Do you understand?"

Brendan stared at Stephen soberly. "I do, more than ye know"

"Good" Stephen nodded, wiping his nose with his hand. "Then can we move past this? I'm so tired of us fighting"

"Me too" Brendan said, wiping at his face in a bid to compose himself.

Stephen took his hand suddenly, squeezing gently. "Where do we go from here?"

Brendan smiled. "Will ye come home with me?"

Stephen's answering kiss told him all he needed to know.

xxx

When his Dad arrived home with Ste in tow, Declan couldn't have been more thrilled. He ran first at Ste, clapping him on the shoulder and then grabbed his Dad for a hug. Brendan had chuckled, clearly surprised at such a display of affection from a teenager.

"I'm proud of you, Da" Declan whispered as Ste moved to speak to Cheryl in the kitchen. Brendan squeezed him harder in response.

The remainder of Declan's visit was his best one yet. His Dad was much more relaxed and happy. Ste clearly brought out the best in him. It seemed as though he wanted to make sure Declan had the best time, without neglecting Ste in the process. But Ste understood, telling Brendan he would spend some time with Amy and the kids while Brendan was with Declan.

Declan had grinned at him, telling him he better come round on Sunday for a kick about or he'd be sorry. Ste ruffled his hair, telling him he promised he would return. On Saturday Declan spent the day with his Dad. He tried to get out of him how the talk had gone with Ste the day before but all Brendan had said on the matter was:

"I took ye advice, Son and talked things through"

Declan was content however. He knew now that when he had to leave his Dad he would be in good hands and he wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. And so when it was time to leave Monday morning, Declan departed with his heart a lot lighter than it had been at his arrival. He had confronted his Dad with the truth and inadvertently reunited him with the love of his life. He'd like to see Poraic achieve that much in one weekend, he thought smugly.


	20. Chapter Twenty

A/N: Final chapter! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing :) Means a lot.

Chapter Twenty

"Stephen" Brendan whispered quietly as they lay in bed together that night.

"Brendan" Stephen mimicked. Brendan could sense the faint outline of a grin on his face in the dark of the room.

"Do ye want to move in with me?"

"I thought that was what we were doing now?"

"No I mean our own place…"

Stephen was silent. Brendan reached for him in the darkness. "Stephen?"

"I'm thinking"

"Okay" Brendan responded, his chest tight in anticipation. "But ye know, it can be a nice place, close to the kids and all that"

"Brendan"

"Sorry" Brendan was silent once more. He began to shift impatiently in the bed covers. "Come on, Stephen"

"Alright"

"Alright?" Brendan repeated, uncertain.

"I will live with you"

"Why did it take ye so long?"

"It was only a minute!"

"A minute too long if ye ask me" Brendan mumbled. He suddenly felt Stephen solid and reassuring in his arms.

"You are going soft, old man"

"Oi watch it, boy"

Stephen planted a wet kiss on his face. "Rather watch you" he murmured silkily, climbing on top of Brendan.

"And who can blame ye?" Brendan replied, putting his arms behind his head.

Stephen snorted, removing his t-shirt. "Quiet now" he whispered, placing his finger over Brendan's lips. "You talk too much; something needs to shut you up"

"That's my li-" Brendan was cut off by Stephen's wet, yielding lips against his own.

"Well it's my line now" Stephen grinned, running his hands over Brendan's bare chest. Things had become heated fairly quickly.

Brendan growled low in his throat, flipping their positions so he was lying on top of Stephen. "I'm still in charge here" he said, his voice exhibiting a gravely texture.

"Or so you like to think. Admit it, Bren, you're whipped" Stephen grinned beneath him, his grip tight on Brendan's forearms.

"No chance" Brendan said silkily.

"Oh alright, I'll just go then" Stephen said, attempting to slip out of Brendan's embrace.

Brendan growled once more. "Ye will do no such thing"

Stephen chuckled, his eyes glinting in the darkness. "Told ya"

Brendan sighed, burying his face in Stephen's neck. "Fine. I'm a bitch to my desires, happy?"

"Certainly" Stephen said, wrapping his legs securely around Brendan's waist. "Now show me how much"

Brendan's eyes met Stephen's, the challenge evident in his gaze. Brendan felt his body flush. He bent down low, taking Stephen's bottom lip between his teeth and tugging gently. Sweeping his tongue along where he had bitten, he used the close proximity to sneak a taste of Stephen's mouth. He was pure sweet desire and Brendan couldn't get enough of him, would never get enough of him.

Brendan wanted to absorb every inch of him. He kissed along his chest, pausing to lick and nibble his nipples. His hand wavered at the waistband of his trousers, tugging them down. Stephen groaned, pushing his hips to meet Brendan's hand. Brendan continued his trail of kisses, reaching the tattoo at Stephen's hip and grazing his teeth along it, like a hidden treasure discovered.

Exposed to Brendan completely, Brendan's hands and fingers teased and pleasured Stephen with such care and attention that Stephen whimpered and moaned his name, bringing Brendan's lips to his own frequently and full of need and desire. It wasn't long until Brendan was entering him, slowly and deliberately, as though savouring every moment. As they clung together, every inch of skin accounted for in their need to be close, Brendan whispered Stephen's name continuously into his ear. It wasn't a game anymore; he didn't need to own Stephen, he was his unconditionally. He should have known it from the start that Stephen would be his without the cruelty and manipulation; that he was full of honesty and heart-felt intentions. And yet Brendan had believed that giving his heart to someone so completely would inevitably lead to their betrayal, their abandonment. It was why he always had to test Stephen; why he needed to know how much he desired him, how far he was willing to go to keep him.

And yet it was all irrelevant in the end because he fell in love with him. No matter how hard he pushed him away, Stephen came fighting back. Even in the darkest moments where he thought he had lost him for good, Brendan knew that he was capable of real love, was capable of keeping someone close purely through his own nature, and not through the games he played. Holding him now, being the one to hold him every night, filled Brendan with such an intense joy he thought he would burst. He hid it well, always stoic, always reserved. But Stephen knew how he felt behind the eyes, in the caresses and the love they shared. He always knew. That's why he was here now, in Brendan's arms, and why he would forever be.

As the nights bled into each other, Brendan became accustomed to Stephen being a constant part of his life and his daily routine. They would wake each morning curled around each other; often Stephen's soft hair would tickle Brendan's nose and wake him, or Stephen would shift in his sleep and moan gently. Brendan would chuckle and make them coffee. Sometimes when he was in a particularly bad mood he would open the curtains wide, sun shining in, and Stephen would curse and throw his pillow at him. Little rituals they had, good and bad, and it made it all the more real for Brendan.

It took a few weeks to move into their new flat. It was very local and most certainly near Stephen's children. Cheryl came to help them move their stuff, sniffling a little at the thought of her brother moving out once more.

"Ye can visit" Brendan told her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"It's not the same" She grumbled. "Who will I talk to at two in the morning about my night out? Who will make me tea and toast to sober me up?"

"Lynsey can" Brendan said gently.

Cheryl scoffed. "I suppose so" she said grumpily.

"Our sofa is always available" Brendan offered, smirking.

Cheryl's mouth twitched into a smile. "I'll warn you before I show up"

"Probably best"

The flat was spacious and bare. It didn't have a particularly homey feel to it but it would soon enough. The bedroom was exquisite; Brendan would settle for nothing less. The kitchen and living room merged together and there were two bedrooms. Stephen set the other one up for when any of their kids visited. Their bedroom was their own little cave of contentment. It became easier to spend more intimate time together without the fear of interruption and Brendan relished it.

It struck Brendan one morning how peculiar this lifestyle was, and how much he cherished it. Stephen was in their kitchen clad in his boxers and a pair of black socks. He was humming as he made them scrambled eggs, sliding around on the floor as he danced to the tune on the radio. He didn't know that Brendan was watching him, smiling in amusement.

"Sexy" he commented dryly. Stephen whirled around as if on cue.

"You scared me!"

"Sorry about that" Brendan murmured, walking forwards to wrap his arms around Stephen's waist, resting his chin atop his shoulder. "Smells good" he muttered, unsure whether he was directing the comment at Stephen or the eggs.

"They should, I cooked them"

"Of course" Brendan kissed along Stephen's neck.

"Aw, Bren come on. Breakfast"

"There's time" Brendan said, nibbling Stephen's earlobe.

"Insufferable. That's what you are" Stephen said, turning to face Brendan, still encased in his arms.

"Would ye really have me any other way?"

Stephen pretended to think about it. "Probably not" he kissed the tip of Brendan's nose. "Now let me get back to-"

"No chance!" Brendan said, grinning and practically throwing Stephen over his shoulder. "Eggs later, bed now"

Stephen hastily turned the gas off from Brendan's back, resigned to the inevitable.

"Oh, Bren I do love you so"

"Shut up ye old woman" Brendan teased, slapping his arse. "I suppose I love ye too"

"Damn straight!"

Brendan rolled his eyes. "Oh the irony"

Stephen laughed all the way to the bedroom, relaxed and carefree in Brendan's arms.


End file.
